Sophia Network

Review: Transforming Together by Ele Parrott (Moody: 2009)

They say ‘never judge a book by its cover’ and this is definitely true for this book. I thought it was going to be the kind of ‘touchy feely’ book that you normally get when women write about mentoring other women, but this is certainly not true.

The author looks at spiritual mentoring from a very refreshing angle and uses examples from her own experience to support her theories; focusing on individuals she has met and how they have been transformed when faced with what the Bible says. It is based on Scripture, although on occasions I feel that she makes some tenuous links between what she wants to say and the verses she uses to back it up.

Chapter 5 is particularly good in my opinion, as it looks at mentoring in the way that Jesus did it and I liked Ele’s definition of mentoring. It is slightly narrow, but very succinct and she goes on to unpack it more.

She says that Jesus came alongside, partnered with the Holy Spirit working in people’s lives and infused truth into the person’s reality. I think her link between a person’s perception of the situation and the reality of it was very helpful and she goes on to talk about how we need to use the Scripture to speak truth into their reality. I think this is so important when mentoring; so often what passes for mentoring is just a nice chat over coffee, and while there is nothing wrong with that I would suggest that there is the potential for so much more. Ele puts forward the view that authentic mentoring is about building a relationship and then challenging with the truth of the Bible.

While the book is not an academic tome on mentoring as it is quite anecdotal in places, it is very easy to read and although I don’t necessarily agree with all her points I think there is enough in here to warrant a read.

Sharon Prior is a trainer, coach and mentor and is a co-founder of the Sophia Network

Mentoring to transform lives: in Luton on 16 January

 Our mentoring training programme for 2010 kicks off in Luton this Saturday. It'll be worth battling through any ice and snow for this excellent day with Sharon Prior and Paul Wilcox. Check out the mentoring training website for other dates and venues throughout the year - we'll be in Maidstone on Saturday 6th Feb, Nottingham on Saturday 13th Feb and Glasgow on Saturday 27th Feb plus more to come. Cost is just £15 for Sophia members and Friends which includes lunch and a pack of materials to support the day - bargain!

Mentoring training dates for 2010

It started when we did our survey just after the launch of the Sophia Network a couple of years ago. We asked what were the key issues facing women in youth work, and the answer came back loud and clear that many of you were looking for mentors - people further ahead on the journey who could offer wisdom, provide support and help you develop. In 2009 we did ten mentoring training events in partnership with CPAS for women and men and had overwhelmingly positive feedback. Some mentoring relationships started at those events, others have developed since; some people have found it's brought a new depth to their youth work, others have got their whole church active on the issue. It feels like this emphasis has struck a chord, and people are hungry for the depth of relationship, support, challenge and growth that good mentoring can bring.

So in 2010, Sophia and CPAS are joining with Urban Saints to put on 16 more mentoring training events around the UK. We've added in more of an emphasis on working with children and young people, but the aim of the events is the same, to enable you to find a mentor and to be a mentor to others. All the dates and locations are now on our mentoring training page, and you can download a flyer with all the information on it. We'll be visiting Maidstone, Nottingham, Glasgow, Leeds, Chichester, Colwyn Bay, Bristol, Lymm, Bridgend,  Kendal, Tees Valley, Cranleigh, Plymouth, Bury St Edmunds and Belfast. Our first event in 2010 is on Saturday 16 January in Luton at St Hugh's Church, and you can buy tickets here. 

So check out which venue is closest to you, put the date in your diary and plan to bring lots of people along!

Links from Youthwork the Conference

It was great to meet so many people at Youthwork the Conference. Here are some links if you want to follow up aspects that the Sophia Network were involved in.

We celebrated our second birthday at the Sophia Network reception - thanks to Jo for yummy cupcakes! If you want to join the network, or sign up for the new members' section, then click here.

Ruth Hassall and Paul Wilcox did a condensed version of our mentoring training on Saturday afternoon. If that has whetted your appetite for more, or if you have people on your teams or in your church that would benefit, we'll be doing 14 training dates next year in partnership with Urban Saints and CPAS. Details are being finalised at the moment and dates will be up on www.mentoringtraining.org.uk very soon, but the first event is in Luton on 16 January 2010 and you can book here.

And then in Adolescence - bodies, brains and behaviour, I mentioned several studies that have been highlighted on the blog in the last few months.

• survey of teenage boys by the Guardian and the Women in Journalism study of the portrayal of boys in the media
• study of sexual bullying among young people by the NSPCC and the University of Bristol
• effect of early puberty on girls
• Girlguiding survey of girls
• study of teenagers in Scotland and mental health

I recommended two books: Blame my Brain by Nicola Morgan and Young Masculinities by Stephen Frosch. You can find out more about Chris Curtis' work in Luton with LCET here.

Mentoring training - book your tickets now!

Don't miss our three mentoring training events coming up in the autumn, particularly the one in North Shields on Saturday 12 September as it's so soon after the end of the summer.

We've been delighted by the response we've had to the events we've done so far, particularly hearing about mentoring relationships that have been set up as a result. A reminder of what the training is all about:

• It's for men and women who want to find a mentor or be equipped to mentor others
• Bring along young people that you want to mentor, or to prepare them for peer mentoring
• It's not just for youth workers - we've had church leaders, retired people, teachers and students who have all benefited

Lunch is included in the price of the ticket, as is a booklet with all the notes from the training. Tickets cost £25 or £15 if you're a Sophia member or Friend. There are more details on the website www.mentoringtraining.org.uk where you can book tickets, or download a flyer, or click on the links below:

With Sharon Prior, Ruth Hassall and Paul Wilcox
10am to 4pm

NORTH SHIELDS: 12 September 2009 - Church House, St. John's Terrace, Percy Main, North Shields, NE29 6HS

DERBYSHIRE: 17 October 2009 - Calver Methodist Church, Main Street, Calver, Hope Valley, Nr Sheffield, Derbyshire, S32 3XR

WARWICK: 28 November 2009 - CPAS, Athena Drive, Tachbrook Park, Warwick, Warwickshire CV34 6NG

Review: Kinetic: Accelerating Leadership Potential in Young People by Sharon Prior and Matt Summerfield, Urban Saints

This handy resource is called Kinetic as it refers to the 'dynamic energy that creates change' and it aims to accelerate leadership development so that those who work through it 'will become the dynamic, energizing and life-impacting leader that God created' them to be.

The book is broken down into 12 sessions. The idea is to work through the book with a mentor - and the introduction provides ideas for who that might be. It is written in such a way that it could be used on a one-to-one basis or even in a group setting. There is no age tag so it is really down to the individual and their youth leader to assess if they are ready to nurture the leadership potential within them. The book is laid out in a study format with space to write comments, answers and thoughts. It includes a DVD with short introductions to each session. The 12 sessions include topics such as: character building, serving others, communication, team work, conflict, mentoring, keeping a vision, staying close to God, wholeness and what leadership actually is. Each session has six sections:
EXCITE! - the aims of the session.
EXALT! - personal devotional to work through.
EXPLODE! - reflecting on leadership myths.
EXPLORE! - Biblical teaching & study.
EXPRESS! - practical application.
EXTREME! - a challenge to "express" to another level.

The repetition to each session offers a structure and familiarity even though the topics are varied. The resource studies many different leaders in the Bible (e.g. Jesus, Nehemiah, King David, Paul, Moses, Joshua and Esther) and uses a simple approach to encourage biblical study of these characters and the themes. This would be invaluable to those who have never/rarely undertaken any Bible study before. It always relates it back to the here and now and the layout of the sessions is great as there is practical application and challenges for the reader to reflect, explore through study and questions, change and grow.

The 'bottom line' throughout the whole resource is that: 'Leadership is all about building relationships with people. If you can't build relationships of trust and influence with people then your leadership impact will be limited.'

Mentoring training - 20 June in Stockport

Our next mentoring training event is in Stockport on Saturday 20 June at the Romiley Life Centre. Designed for both men and women, these events will equip you to both find a mentor and be a mentor to others, and are appropriate for anyone who's concerned about spiritual growth in themselves or others. Our first three events in the Spring went brilliantly, and we've heard of a number of mentoring relationships that have started as a result. If you work with younger leaders, bring them along too. The training is led by Sharon Prior and Paul Wilcox, both experienced mentors. Tickets cost £25, or £15 each for Sophia Network members or friends. Price includes lunch and a resources pack to accompany the training. Visit www.mentoringtraining.org.uk for more info.

Review: Growing young leaders - a practical guide to mentoring teens by Ruth Hassall, BRF

“Let’s imagine what it would be like if our young people were growing in Christ-like character, equipped to lead well in their churches, in their schools and colleges, and in their homes.”
So the author summarises the impact of mentoring to “change a generation and renew leadership in the church and the nation”.  The premise for this book is John Maxwell’s assertion that everyone has some kind of leadership ability, which the author believes can be achieved with the help of mentoring.

The book is practical and helpfully illustrated with the author’s own experiences of mentoring.  It contains an excellent appendix leading you through the objectives for a mentoring relationship and the questions you may wish to use during your meetings with a mentee.  It is challenging on a number of levels such as the statement, “We are all called to be a mentor and to find mentors”. A closer look at the characteristics needed for a mentor encourage constructive reflection on your own spiritual growth, recognising that we are all far from perfect. 

Structured in four parts, the first lays a solid foundation by exploring a biblical perspective and models for mentoring.  Further sections consider the world of teenagers, putting a mentorship scheme into action, the characteristics, tools and skills required as a mentor and a valuable chapter on how to implement principles of child protection when mentoring.  The final part explores ways to identify young leaders and seek to support their discovery of who they are using the SHAPE acronym as developed by Rick Warren, author of the Purpose Driven Life.

Using this practical book as a resource, we can develop our understanding of mentoring and abilities as mentors.  For the young people we support, this book will take us a step closer to a relationship that challenges, offers encouragement and shares with them the journey they are on.

Anna Troughton is an occupational therapist who attends The Bridge Church in Bolton. She's  passionate about discipleship, growth and supporting development of people. 

Article: Cross-gender mentoring and peer mentoring by Rosie Ward

In a Christian context it is often assumed that mentor and mentoree will be of the same sex. If the relationship is mainly focused on discipleship or spiritual direction, or the mentoree can find someone who is ‘further ahead’, that’s great. But many women find that if they want a mentor to be someone they aspire to be in five or 10 years’ time, then it may be hard to find a suitable woman. There seem to be far more women wanting to be mentored than there are senior women willing and able to be mentored.

It may be difficult to find a woman who is more experienced in character, competence and experience, and who understands the particular challenges which the mentoree is bringing. As one woman in senior leadership writes: ‘There are some wonderful women with very humble, Christ-like maturity and wisdom in the Church, but very few in the generation above me who have ‘got’ (if I can express it that way) serving and living as a leader in the church. They therefore have had little understanding and experience that I could draw upon.’

In a business context, many women, especially those aspiring to more senior potions would see it as entirely normal to be mentored by a man, and this is the solution which some Christian women choose. If this seems appropriate for you, it would be sensible to ensure you make some extra safeguards:
•    Both parties inform their spouses (if relevant) or close Christian friends of their relationship and purpose.
•    Both parties commit to meeting in public places only, and not in private homes.
•    Both parties welcome regular enquiries from some outside person as to the state of the relationship.
•    Both parties consider of the mentoring might work well if one or two others were involved.

Which brings us to the other option: peer mentoring. This is ‘an equal relationship between two people who value and respect each other and believe each can enrich the other’ (John Mallison). The relationship is usually less formal and more flexible than the mentor/mentoree relationship. Often it simply involved making more of a present friendship, while retaining the enjoyable, easygoing fun dimension of a close friendship. This readily available form of mentoring is often overlooked.

Mentoring - hard work but worth it

Our Worcester training day went really well a couple of weeks ago, and we're looking forward to the Chesham event tomorrow. We're in the process of booking events in Stockport, North Shields, Warwick and Sheffield later this year and are looking at more venues for Spring 2010. Details will be added to the events page as they are finalised, and the mentoring training website. In the meantime, here are some thoughts from John Platt from South Staffs YFC on why he's a mentor.

What do you enjoy about mentoring others?
I have been mentoring people now informally for approximately 5 years and formally for two and a half years.  Mentoring is something I do as part of my job - mentoring young people in schools with YFC, as well as during my free-time - mentoring young people and friends from church. I find mentoring extremely rewarding and fulfilling. Jesus was right when he said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive’ – you certainly get a blessing too! It is such an honour and a privilege to be able to input into and play a positive, supportive role in people’s lives, especially those of both young people and new Christians. There is no greater honour than to be invited by someone to fulfil a mentoring capacity in their life, to advise, guide, share, listen to, support and hold them to account.

On being a mentor

'Mentoring is about coming alongside someone to support, encourage, challenge and inspire them. It's about facilitating someone to make their own decisions and to take ownership of their lives and to guide them in a positive direction. It's a relationship that allows them to be totally honest, without judging them, but encouraging them to run wholeheartedly after God. It's about helping to break down the spititual/secular divide and helping them to apply their faith to the whole of their lives. It's about leading humbly by example and being honest about your own weaknesses and shortcomings. It acknowledges that the little things in our lives matter to God. As a mentor it challenges me to grow closer to God myself as I have a responsibility to set a good example. For someone starting out in mentoring I would say that it is so important to build a good friendship first and that just having fun time together is actually as valuable as when you have really open spiritual times together as without the friendship and trust, the person you mentor is less likely to open up about the things that are really on their heart. And don't be over-critical of yourself after you've spent time with your mentee - the enemy would love to make you feel like you've done a rubbish job. And pray for your mentee, with them and see how their faith is built up as they see our awesome God answering their prayers. I believe that we'd all benefit from some form of mentoring, so I'd recommend seeking out a mentor for yourself if you don't already have one'

Ivanna Giles loves God, is married to Chris, has a joyful little boy called Daniel and is a Children’s Physiotherapist

Mentoring training - the verdict

Around 40 people came to our first mentoring training  day in Christchurch, Bournemouth on Saturday. Here are some of their comments:

• Helped us to explore mentoring in greater depth and gave us a structure to lean on
• Non-threatening and encouraging (it is so easy to feel self condemnation and not measuring up on these sort of days)
• It was very helpful, but what really helped to earth the theory was the practice sessions on asking the mentoring questions and actually going through a goal setting process
• Thank you for an excellent day. I rarely maintain interest in an event for a whole day – you achieved what I thought was impossible! A thoroughly enjoyable and helpful day.

Don't miss out! We're in Worcester on the 14th March and Chesham on the 28th March, with more events being booked up. See our Mentoring page for more details.

Reflections of a mentee by Anna MacLehose

Some more thoughts on what it's like to be mentored.

' During a week's training before heading out to Uganda in my gap year, I received some excellent teaching about the role of mentor/mentee relationships, the biblical support for them, and how they aid personal and spiritual growth. This teaching stayed with me and since then I have always endeavoured to have a mentor where possible over the last 8 years.

I have found the experience invaluable. It is an incredible privilege to have an older, more mature Christian lass commit to investing prayer, mentoring hours and listening to God time on your behalf. I meet with my current mentor every 2 to 3 months depending. It is seriously businesslike; no comfortable girlie chit-chat! My mentor will have been praying for me beforehand, so sometimes will have particular things to ask me about that God may have put on her heart. After every session I write her an email on 1) What we spoke about 2) What God shows me at the time 3) What God has shown me since, plus anything else that has come up. My mentor prays into this email and will sometimes reply by email or feedback next time. She also has been known to put up challenges for me to consider doing, such as recently, when we were looking at to what degree is God involved in my decision-making and time management, she challenged me to clear my diary for 2 weeks and only do in the evening what I felt God direct me to do! A difficult exercise to achieve just before Christmas, but was done and as ever God taught me new things about himself and myself.

Ideally I would recommend everyone to seek out and pray about getting a mentor. We have to take personal and spiritual development seriously if God's image is to be more and more mirrored through us, and for us to be able to disciple younger generations!'

Anna MacLehose is a Research Psychologist in South London 

Mentoring - some stories

Mentoring training is a key emphasis for us this year. We're hosting training events for both men and women and over the next few weeks will be featuring stories from people who mentor or who are being mentored. Here's the first from Andrew Rowlandson, a management trainee at Aviva:

'Mentoring for me has quite simply been life-changing. Over the years of being mentored through adversity and privilege I’ve developed a lifelong friendship with my mentor. I’ve been encouraged to take a step back from my faith and explore different approaches and expressions of following Christ uncompromisingly whilst relevant to today’s society, to stand firm in my faith when challenges have come and to step out of my comfort zone, take risks and see my God-given passions put into action. As my faith has grown faster than before I have learnt to pursue the areas of my life that cause me to come alive and embrace more of who God has made me to be.

It’s a privilege to be mentored, not something I take for granted. To have someone who is actively interested in your spiritual growth is truly humbling. My mentor, and now close companion on the journey, gives me opportunities to reflect, be challenged and ultimately a license to be raw, real and excruciatingly honest. Through times of silence, prayer, emotion and deafening zeal we’ve learnt together more of what it means to live for Christ today. The red wine and multiple curries haven’t been bad either!'

Reflection: Moses - advocate, mentor, traveller by Ruth Wells

I am sadly obsessed with celebrity magazines - and my guiltiest pleasure is those terrible photo stories of celebs with no make up or bad hair days! I know it’s not very Christian of me and I should probably be on my knees now, but I find the images deeply reassuring against the backdrop of photoshop and airbrushing. There is something refreshing about being human, and that may be what I find so attractive about Moses.

Moses seems to me to be so human, so normal and as such so inspiring. He is by no means perfect, something that I strongly identify with! He is given a massive task by God, which involves working directly with people, a task that I also relate to (although I am hoping I won’t have to spend so long in a desert). Moses story highlights some key roles which I find myself in within my work with young people. Roles that encourage me to think, to act, and to grow with God;

Advocate (Exodus 3 - 14):
God asked Moses to be a representative of the people of Israel, to speak his words to a hostile imprisoner, to fight the corner of the underdogs, to say unpopular things, to take action, to set people free.

“My people have begged for my help, and I have seen how cruel the Egyptians are to them. Now go to the King! I am sending you to lead my people out of this country.” (Exodus 3:9-10)

I often feel that my mandate as a youth worker is similar. Ok, so I may not be asked to call a plague of locusts on the suits dictating my ratios of ‘recorded outcomes’, or a swarm of flies to descend on the offices of certain tabloid papers, but I am asked to speak for the underdogs; the young people wrongly labeled ‘yobs’, or ‘knife crazed feral youths’; the young people who have no say; the young people discriminated against; young people imprisoned by expectations, or circumstances or social policy. Maybe you identify with the tension of representing young people in your church to hostiles’ - trying to justify the ‘youth band’ with their ‘amplified guitar music’ to the people who believe its African beats may have originated from Satan!

Article: Mentoring by Jo Taylor

I am a huge fan of old-school detective programmes. You know the ones – Murder She Wrote, Quincy, Diagnosis Murder, New Tricks, Rosemary and Thyme and my new favourite, Monk. They’re intriguing, not scary and no matter how horrific recent events have been, there’s always a reason to end up smiling. My husband often despairs as I set yet another one of these programmes to record on Sky+ but he too is often sucked in. The attraction is obviously not the electrifying drama, thrills and special effects. My favourites have none of these. Instead they rely on loveable characters and excellent dynamics between these often quirky, crime solvers extraordinaire.

Ultimately, the success of these programmes in real life and of the characters in the show is dependent on relationships – relationships that bring out the best in one another, relationships that makes us laugh, relationships that inspire, relationships that work. This is what draws me in on a week-day afternoon and it’s relationships like these that shape my life outside of TV time!

The viewer-pulling power of these relationships is not surprising when you take into account that we were created to be in relationship; relationship with God and relationship with one another. Good relationships are beautiful but not always easy to find. We thrive when there are others around us who help us to be who we are and do what we’re for. I’d suggest that even the greatest line management isn’t enough. In order to develop and nurture our God-given potential we need a network of intentional relationships – the support of a mentor, or even better, mentors! Good mentor/mentoree relationships provide support, accountability and plenty of opportunities for tea and cake. I have particularly benefited from three types of mentoring relationships; relationships that I’ve seen echoed among my crime-solving heroes.

Article: Developing women - a method for mentoring by Danielle Strickland

Danielle Strickland believes that the Church has - subconsciously or otherwise - built barriers to the release of strong females in ministry. And the Salvation Army pioneer suggests how this can be a thing of the past.

The dialogue on women and leadership in the church is oceanic in scope and the truth is you could easily drown in the discussion. Many have. Some have treaded water for years and are just emerging from the tide, a bit worn out, but full of anticipation to find both feet on solid ground. Now that our legs are strong we are ready to run, hard and fast towards becoming who we already are in Christ and using our leadership gifts in and for the Kingdom.

In my experience of the church, equality is like a ‘dotcom' company in the 90's. It's worth a lot - but it's hard to cash in. It works great on occasion, but no one is sure how. Most of the time it's elusive and evades us. The solid substance and power of true equality in the church is more like an endless ocean than a foundational truth.

The women in leadership debate is not a new discussion for the church. It's as old as the Jewish faith itself (see Garden of Eden for details). Jesus turned traditional patriarchalism on its head (he was deeply into equality) and ushered in the fullness of the Kingdom of God where the Spirit was poured out on all flesh. But, like the uncomfortable councils of the early church, discussing the implications of Gentile believers worshipping with Jewish brothers and sisters, the devil is often in the details.

Without wading too far in the ocean of ‘gender and leadership', I'd like to offer a few life preservers to those in the church who would like to find their footing. These barriers and some humble (and practical) suggestions as to how to overcome them are intended for all leaders. I've been at too many conferences for women about women leadership. Women leadership is not a topic just for women; it's for the whole church. Male leaders need to enter the discussion and help remove barriers that prevent women from using their gifts for the Kingdom. It's in the church's best interest to help women find their feet. Rev. Liz Rios, founder of the Center for Emerging Female Leadership says, ‘Many women have determined that they have no time to squander on the "great debate" and are mobilizing themselves by the thousands to fulfill what we are all here for: Christ's Great Commission. They have gone beyond the labels and are moving toward their call. Their mantra? Lead, follow, or get out of the way.' (March/April 2005 Prism Magazine)

Article: Helping teenage girls develop leadership skills by Sharon Prior

Peter Drucker, the eminent leadership guru says that ‘there is no success without a successor'¹, so as female youth workers we need to be on the look out for young people who we can pass the baton onto. John Maxwell goes on to say that ‘True success comes only when every generation continues to develop the next generation'².

It is very easy to become so involved in getting the job done that we forget to develop the people around us. If we take Jesus as our role model we see that he got the job done and developed people on the way. Leaders will not just pop up when we need them; we have to be intentional about their development.

In 2003 I completed a Masters course in Applied Theology and for the dissertation I looked at how we could mentor young people into leadership within the Crusader movement (Crusaders are now called Urban Saints). It was a very interesting piece of research, as I surveyed 120 youth leaders about the work they were involved in. Many of them had no intentional plan to develop future leaders. This inspired me to think about developing the teenage girls in my group who displayed leadership skills. As a result this summer I led a camp for teenage girls aged from 13-16 who were recommended by their youth leaders as showing leadership skills within their churches and youth groups. It was intended to be a pilot scheme to see if this was something that could be built on in the future. We called the camp ‘The Christian Apprentice' based on the TV programme and it took place over four days in August. The girls were given tasks to achieve in a set time and a leader was either allocated to each task or each group had to choose a leader from amongst them. They were given tasks such as raft building, team challenges, ‘Ready, Steady, Cook' and clock building that we hoped would take them out of their comfort zone.