Sophia Network

Article: Lets hear it for the boy! by Gary Bott

Anybody remember this song by Deniece Williams? Well you may if you are as old as me. It was a hit in 1984 and as the title suggests, its focus was on a boy.

For many years now I have seen the Sophia Network grow from a tiny acorn into a strong oak that looks to support women in youth ministry and I would take my hat off to you, if I was wearing one!

I have had the privilege of working with many good men and women in ministry who have helped shape and mould my thoughts and ideas along with a huge dose of the Holy Spirit. One person who was a helpful inspiration was Carl Beech, now head of Christian Vision for Men. I believe what he is trying to do for men in the country is really key as we look for a more balanced expression of the church.

Sophia Network is doing a great job at encouraging and assisting women in youth ministry, from helpful resources to inspirational blogs and stories from women around the world, however I feel there is a hole in the market…Boys! What are we doing for the boys? Are we giving them a hand?

At our church we have two strong brigades, Girls and Boys. I run our company section that sees 32 lads aged between 12 and 16 turn up each week to do what boys do and we have a lot of fun. My wife runs our girls senior section of GB and we are constantly discussing the issues we have in resourcing to help lead these groups. There is a lot of good stuff out there; however, I think there is a lack of something similar to Sophia Network for the men in youth work.

There are many organizations doing many good things for guys and girls, such as Urban Saints, Boys and Girls Brigade, but I’ve yet to come across something that brings it all together for the guys. I believe Sophia Network is and will continue to help women to engage with younger women in youth ministry but I’m seeing a vacuum when it comes to boys. I’ve met quite a few leaders recently who have struggled to find something helpful, in one place, one site or organization such as Sophia, so with that in mind I want to plant a seed, an acorn, a thought in your head!

Can we as youth leaders and organizational leaders come together to create something similar to Sophia, but specifically for male youth workers to give them wisdom in how they bring kingdom values into young men’s lives? This doesn’t exclude female youth workers from accessing information; in fact I would want to see more views from women challenging the way some of us guys think and act and vice versa, but the main aim would be to help, inspire, resource and grow male youth leaders/workers and how they can engage with the young men they work with.

Could we see a Solomon Network? Does that name work? That’s not for now, the question is, can we see something similar to Sophia that will enhance the way we work with young men? For them to grow as men as God intended, to use the skills, gifts and characters that have been placed in them to be as Jesus is.

So I sing with my best 1980’s voice – “Let’s hear it for the boys, lets give the boys a hand!” 

Gary Bott is the youth pastor of Billericay Baptist Church. He is married to Katie and they have three lively boys. Follow Gary on Twitter - @RevBott

What do you think? Is there a need for a network for people working with boys? Email Gary at gary.bott@billericaybaptist.net or leave a comment below.

Article: Working with girls at risk of sexual exploitation by Mandy Toombs

So... how do you know when you're actually in love? How do you know when you've met someone who's just right for you and who's worth taking that risk on? Is it when they shower you with gifts, or impress you with their lifestyle and money? How do you know when it's the right time to have sex with them or to marry them or to introduce them to your parents? Is it after they pressure you to lose your virginity to them; when they persuade you to go away for the weekend to a posh hotel which ends up being a cheap motel and force you to do things you didn't want to?  How do you know if they really respect you?  Is it when they charge their friends to have sex with you for the night – or even for a half hour each at a 'party?'

Horrific, shocking and sad; but unfortunately true for many more 'normal' girls than we perhaps would like to admit or realise. We'll all have different answers to these sorts of questions. I remember debating for hours and hours with my friends when I was a teenager about how you would be able to tell if you'd met 'the one' - and whether that had anything to do with whether you could feel comfortable going to the toilet in front of that person! These were heated and opinionated debates in my teenage world and actually we've come to see the great value of conversations like these in the work we do with girls as part of Golddigger Trust. The value of these conversations is mainly in exposing attitudes and expectations in relationships Exploring and sharing these stories with our young people is proving vital - as we saw when working with; Alesha* who came to us in a relationship with a boy she was 'totally in love with' called Josh.* (Names have been changed). Let me share her story with you...

Alesha met Josh in the Peace Gardens – a popular, family friendly place in the centre of Sheffield. They'd seen each other there a few times; he came over to talk to her and they just kind of ended up together. Alesha had been a little bit lonely and didn't feel that anyone really understood her but Josh told her she was beautiful and he made her feel like she was the most important girl in the world. Alesha was 13 and Josh was 17. She loved it that he was a bit more mature, always seemed to have money on him and he had a car.
   
He took her to nice places and he bought her a phone, new clothes and seemed to look after her. Understandably she fell for him and he soon became the most significant person in her world. He started taking her to parties and she would drink quite a bit. Josh would reassure her that she would be fine because he was there to look after her. She lost her virginity to him because he said he'd never felt this way about anyone else before and he wanted her “to be closer to him than any other girl had been”. She wasn't sure if she was ready but she didn't want him to laugh at her – or to leave her for someone who would - so she did it – and it hurt.

Article: 21st century role model: liberated women or living dolls by Claire Rush

‘Sticks and stones may break my bones but chains and whips excite me.’ Have you heard these infamous words uttered by Rihanna in her S & M pop song? Words which were replicated on the facebook statuses of many teenagers across the world. The video that accompanies the song shows her writhing around in sexy latex outfits, tied up on all fours and suggestively eating a banana with a naughty twinkle in her eye. It is a dream for anyone with an actual S & M fetish! Rihanna, in fact, is not a porn star. Rihanna is a 23 year old music recording artist from Barbados. She has sold over 20 million albums and 60 million singles worldwide which makes her one of the best selling music artists of the last decade. S & M was released in January this year and has sold hundreds of thousands of copies across the world. The song was considered so sexually explicit that it was severely cut by Radio One in the UK and renamed. S & M was not an aberration from the rest of Rihanna’s video catalogue. The video for her latest song ‘We found love’, filmed in my home town of Belfast, depicts the young star in an abusive relationship getting up to things that normal young women do – you know, having illicit sex in public places, shoplifting and taking drugs until you vomit rainbows (yes, really)!

Why do so many young girls and even feminists perceive Rihanna as a vibrant example of a liberated woman? In (some) feminist discourses, she is hailed as a positive role model – a new woman who is empowered, free of any gender prescriptions or limitations and who is fighting back against society’s repression of female sexuality in the past. On my local feminist network facebook page, some perceive her as a cutting edge artist who is bold and addresses issues like domestic abuse in a fearless way.  But is Rihanna an empowered young woman or a sad illustration of women being sexually objectified by the music industry for capitalist gain?

Article: The Waiting Room by Jo Dolby

In the last two years I seem to have spent a lot of my time in waiting rooms. Due to a back problem I have been through X-Rays, MRI scans and physiotherapy, with every appointment requiring a short, or sometimes not so short wait, in the waiting room.

They are not very inspiring places. Magazines are always months, if not years, out of date, horrible plastic pastel coloured chairs line the walls and a display of mostly irrelevant information leaflets usually occupies one solitary corner. People come and go, people of all ages, backgrounds and cultures. People with all kinds of stories. It seems everyone at some point has a stint in the waiting room.

Many times during my waiting room moments, I have realised that in my life I have very much been in a metaphorical waiting room. Almost two years ago I left a job I had done for seven years, since I was 19 years old. This was a big deal. What would I do now? What does God have planned next? What if there isn't anything else planned? I hoped there would be some next big thing, some other God given idea that I would be able to launch myself straight into. Instead God has lead me into a time of waiting and studying, where I am unpacking and evaluating seven years of ministry, learning to be enough just as a daughter of God, trying new things, enjoying life and trying to figure out where God wants me next. I have hated it! I want to be out there changing the world, dreaming big dreams and working hard with God to see them come to life. But instead I am just sat in the waiting room.

There are so many examples of people in the Bible who were made to wait. God told Abraham that his offspring would be so numerous trying to count them would be like counting the dust, that he would have more descendants than there were stars in the sky. At the time this may have been a little awkward as he was over 75 years old and had no children. When his wife Sarah was ninety years old and Abraham was 100, God again promised the same thing and specifically said that Sarah would get pregnant and have a child. Abraham laughed. Sarah laughed. But it happened. Their waiting wasn’t easy and they made mistakes but in spite of all that, everything that had been promised took place. 

Article: When forgiveness seems so hard by Amanda Roper

My husband and I have begun to take it in turns to visit the local public hospital every week. We spend time with children in the Burns Unit, playing and chatting. We went a few weeks ago, but Robyn, the lady who runs the project wasn't able to spend much time with us, as she was with someone who had burns all over his body as a result of an intentional burning. 
 

In parts of the country there is often little state intervention and it is still common for communities to carry out their own justice where they feel it is necessary. This particular incident was particularly harrowing and sad. Apparently, the man in question and his brother had kidnapped two young sisters, aged eight and 11, raping them both and murdering one. The community responded by burning him, and when he came to hospital, he was in a lot of pain. Robyn provided him with free medicines, but she said she could see the fear in his eyes. He died the next day, leaving behind his pregnant 17-year-old wife. 
 

There are a lot of sad stories at the hospital, but this story was unsettling on so many levels, maybe because it has at its centre the most horrible of crimes. Although not personally involved, I was overwhelmed by the situation and wondered how anything related to it could ever be made right again. The community’s actions and response to these acts of crime reminded me of the Old Testament practice of taking an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth (Exodus 21:23-25). In the Gospel of Mark, Jesus responds by saying:
 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also.” (Mark 5:38-3) 

In the parallel passage in Luke, Jesus says: “But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.” (Luke 6:27-28)

Love your enemies and turn the other cheek. How is this dangerous act of subversion, of forgiveness, actually worked out when a community is outraged and hurting following the violation of children?  I tried to imagine what it would be like to visit these people and explain that Jesus asks us to love those that hurt us, because God is ‘... kind to the ungrateful and the wicked.’ (Luke 6:35). What a command – how dare he ask it of us and how can it be lived out?

Tackling inequality in Brazil by Hannah Mudge

Helping young people to think about and tackle issues of gender inequality can be challenging. This usually isn't because they're fundamentally opposed to the concept but because in our comparatively privileged society, looking at life from the experiences they've had, it's often hard to see why it's relevant, how it affects them or what they could do to help - despite the fact that they have genuine concern about issues like sexual harassment in the workplace, assault and objectification of women.

  But as I found out earlier this year when I spent the first week of March - and International Women's Day - visiting Brazil to talk to young people about their experiences and the pro-equality initiatives they're taking part in, investing in them is something which is vital for impacting communities and changing the way people think.

I was really privileged to be one of three bloggers asked to take a trip to Brazil to visit some of the projects ActionAid  are working on there and report on my experiences (in my capacity as a columnist for women's lifestyle website BitchBuzz to engage their younger supporters back in the UK with gender equality issues. The trip was also part of the wider EQUALS? initiative pioneered this year for IWD.

It was a fantastic nine days and a trip that I'll never forget. I spent several days in Rio de Janeiro, doing everything from wandering along Ipanema beach to visiting favelas - the city's notorious slums, donning an excruciatingly heavy costume to take part in the carnival parades at the Sambadrome  and getting driven round the City of God favela by a famous rapper. I took seven domestic flights to get to and from a city called Santarém  in Amazonia, where I ate lunch at a restaurant overlooking a river that stretched as far as the eye could see with rainforest either side of us, danced in the local carnival and spent an afternoon on a white sandy 'beach' in the middle of a river, watching the sun set and the landscape shimmer in the heat.

To be honest, it sounds like a really great holiday. And it's true - doing all this was so much fun. But the majority of our days were actually taken up with interviewing people, visiting projects and learning a lot about what ActionAid have been doing - and hope to do in future - to promote gender equality in Brazil.

Article: Moving to Peru by Amanda Roper

The journey began well, with the M25 parting like the Red Sea as we made our way to Heathrow. After emotional goodbyes and with the flight attendant turning a blind eye to our bulging cases, we wondered whether this was going to be easier than we thought. However, travelling with a 4-year-old and a 2-year-old half away across the world was, indeed, tough. We turned up in Lima having discovered that Sophia is airsick and our children don’t like to sleep in planes. I felt as if we had had quite enough adventures, but this was only the start of our 2-year placement in Cusco, Peru with BMS World Mission, working with young people and children.

Cusco is stunningly beautiful, nestled in the Andean mountains at a heady 3,200 metres above sea level. It attracts lots of tourists, as it is situated close to Machu Picchu, but there is also a great contrast between the rich and the poor. I want to share my experiences of what it has been like adapting to life in a new country with small children, as a mission worker. Indeed, the first time we visited the incredible Plaza de Armas was overshadowed by Daniel’s constantly reminding us that he was very hungry. He seemed entirely unimpressed with the colonial influence mixed in with the Inca architecture. A 4-year-old has a different perspective on things – especially when he feels lunch is overdue.

Although Cusco in many ways is a wonderful place to live with so many challenges, like most people, day-to-day life is pretty normal, with a slight twist. There is the school run (a private school), cleaning (I am currently dealing with cockroaches and fleas), playing with the children (without the support of parents and toddlers groups) and shopping (although this is the view as I walk to the supermarket).

The School Run
Here, Daniel attends a fee-paying school, something which I doubt I would have considered in the UK. However, in Peru, teaching styles are very different and formal from a young age. Daniel’s school is more similar to the education ethos back home as well as being bilingual. Daniel loves it there, and despite a rocky start where he found the amount of Spanish overwhelming, he has settled in amazingly. He has started to speak more Spanish, and always has tales to tell of his many adventures. I was very proud of him the first morning as he walked into this new school in a new country with a new language, without even a backward glance. However, it still seems strange to send him to this more exclusive place when the majority of people in my church can’t afford it.

Article: Endangered Species: thoughts from the London summit by Mandy Toombs

Many of us struggle with the way we feel about our bodies. When working with teenage girls who struggle with this so much that it develops into dangerous eating habits, self harm and emotional trauma, I am really careful not to engage in talking negatively about myself, discussing diet tips as chit chat or complimenting women solely based on looks. I am careful as a mother not to criticise myself in the mirror as I see myself as the blueprint to my own children. However, I am not immune from the odd day of feeling rubbish.

Last Saturday I was due to meet my friend to take our children swimming. She is wonderful, generous, funny and a brilliant friend. She is also 6 foot tall, a size 4 and a footballer’s wife. When we go out we normally meet some of her other footballer’s wives friends and they quite often have 'new boobs,' are all very glamorous and have designer bikinis. I have to approach these swimming sessions with the 'mind over matter' approach and my 'safe swimming costume' which I have had since I was in Year 11 (I am now 31). This week, however, when I couldn't find my trusty swimming costume I was surprised to find myself actually in tears and almost hyperventilating 20 minutes before I was due to meet her at the thought of having to wear a bikini. My poor husband tried to console me, telling me I looked nice while I was too busy shouting at him that I didn't want the children to hear I was upset. Meanwhile, I was trying to work out what had happened to me? - I thought I was confident?! What is it that makes me feel my body is not good enough to be put alongside certain other people’s?

To coincide with the 100th anniversary of International Women's Day a series of summits called 'Endangered Species'  and hosted by Susie Orbach, founder of Anybody have been taking place across the world to launch a campaign against the rising issue of body hatred. On March 4th 2011 the first of these summits in London brought together relevant groups in order to achieve change in relation to what Orbach terms is a health emergency facing the next generation of girls, so many of whom feel bad about and unhappy in their bodies. The day was for activists who are passionately working in this field to showcase what they are doing and to engage relevant policy makers and representatives of the fashion industry and the media. We were honoured, as Golddigger Trust, to be invited to attend and to speak about our work with teenage girls and came away both totally inspired and completely overwhelmed with the task facing us all. 

Article: It’s Friday…..but Saturday’s coming! by Anita Darashah-Borman

At our recent Making Connections Day in London, it was clear that many people were feeling overworked and struggled to find time to relax and recharge their batteries. Anita talked about what she had found helpful and I asked her to write her ideas up for the rest of you!

I LOVE it when I have rest days from work (note the capitals letters, for extra emphasis). Most Friday evenings I shut down my laptop and I declare to anyone listening “It’s the weekend!” I thank God that he has given me an opportunity to chill, to relax, to meet with friends to go out for coffee, to watch series catch-up on iplayer, to phone a friend….well the list is endless.

Weekends have always been special to me. At the age of 18 years, the weekend represented 48 hours of freedom time. It was my weekend; it was my time; I chose to do with my weekend what I wanted to do. I went out with my friends on the Friday night, went shopping on the Saturday, popped to the cinema Saturday evening, and then hung out with the crowd at church on a Sunday. I had fun, and made sure there was lots of it for my friends and me. Pure heaven.

As we all know from experience, time marches onwards; life doesn’t stay still. No one warned me that my weekends would become a distant memory. At university I needed to work – evenings were the only option to attend paid work, and as lectures were held during the day, weekends were spent writing essays and reading. I joined a church where the youth group met up on a Saturday night. Attending both services at church, and any other meetings organised by church, became “informally” compulsory. Don’t worry there was nothing sinister going on; I was a volunteer Youth Leader so attending church and being available at weekends was seen as setting a good “commitment” example to the youth. Saturday and Sunday no longer represented rest days, and my chill out time during the week had virtually disappeared.

In the midst of this struggle to re-discover my weekends, I graduated from university and started a two-year course to train in youth ministry. Little did I understand the impact that this course would have on my life. Yes – not only did I become a confident, bold and assertive female youth leader, fully knowledgeable in all things connected with youth people (well kind of!), but I also found a way to open the door (albeit creaky and covered in ivy) to my rest days again. More of this later on!

Traditionally Saturday and Sunday have been the “rest days” in the UK, but the working pattern has subtly changed over the last few decades.

Article: My Work on a Tender Trust project – educating teenagers about domestic abuse by Dave Pollendine

I was studying for an MA in Applied Drama at Goldsmiths College, doing lots of reading and writing essays when an opportunity came along to put some of the theory we were learning into practice! It was to work on a “Trust project” using drama to educate young people about domestic abuse for a company called Tender. At last, a chance to apply my drama!  In a moment of missionary zeal I raised my hand and agreed to join this worthy cause to go on a two day training course about Domestic Abuse. This journey started in 2007 and numerous schools and Pupil Referral Units later I have emerged with my eyes well and truly opened. I have come to understand the importance of talking about domestic abuse to and with young people and the possibilities that drama brings to exploring the issue.

 In this article I want to share the general process involved in a Tender project and give some of the approaches and practical tools that we use in working with teenagers.

The first aim of the Trust project is to educate young people about the violence and abuse perpetrated in relationships.

The challenge we face is how to open this topic up to a bunch of seemingly disinterested year 9 and 10’s (14 – 15 year olds). How do we engage them? The key is to start with talking about relationships. Who is going out with who (that’s how we said it in my day) is always a major topic of conversation; how does he or she treat you? By year 10 young people will have had relationships that have gone wrong; they may have already been on the receiving end of abuse or even been the perpetrators of it.

We start the session by looking at what makes up a healthy or unhealthy relationship? This usually produces the expected response of love and hate, trust and fear etc. One very useful exercise for exploring mutual respect is by simply throwing a juggling ball around a circle. At first the exercise may breakdown, as the ball usually get thrown over arm by an extra keen participant and clatters someone on the head! Ask the group to think about what they need to do to make the exercise work. Words like empathy come to mind, a person who is not confident in catching would need the ball to be thrown to them very carefully, or patience, waiting for the other person to be ready. As the group gets better you can add more juggling balls! Keep challenging the group with the question; what do you need to do to make this work? Words that are applicable to any healthy relationship will be shared, caring, observing, respect, being mindful, forgiving etc

Article: How many hats are you wearing? by Vicky Piggott-Genge

Like most people I have one thing I just can’t resist, not chocolate or shoes – although I’d never say no if someone gave them to me! No, the one thing that I can’t walk past without trying is… hats! They could be silly, sensible, elegant or just plain weird, any of them will do, I love them! When we moved into our house, the previous owners had had pictures everywhere, but left the hooks in the walls. Rather than hanging lovely pieces of art, the obvious choice was to hang hats! The problem is that I’m running out of room on the wall; we’re going to have to start putting in hooks of our own soon… or stop buying hats?

It probably all began with a game that we used to play at our family parties. I come from a very large, brilliantly fun and rather eccentric family, and when growing up, it was any excuse to get together and have a giggle. One of the games that we invented was called musical hats –it involved a box of crazy hats and music. The idea was you sat in a circle, with one less hat than there were people. Passing the hats round to the head of the person sitting on your left, when the music stops the person without a hat is out. There was always great hilarity trying to keep up, there was usually quite a bit of cheating by two of my uncles, trying to pile the hats all on top of their heads and not passing them on! But you see it didn’t matter how many hats they tried to balance on their head, eventually they would all come tumbling down – bringing lots of laughter with it.

I love the way hats make me feel; they can define the mood I’m in, help me to stand out or help me hide.

I don’t know about you, but I spend a lot of time wearing hats, balancing many different things, going between one hat or another, never really fully taking off one hat before putting on the next. My hats include being a teacher, leading the youth and children’s work for our church. I’m a wife, a daughter and sister. I’m an aunty and a friend, as well as mentoring, and being mentored myself. The list could go on – as it could for you, I’m sure.

Article: Dorothy Day - a taster by Amanda Roper

I am moving to Peru soon with my husband and two children aged 4 and 20 months. We have never done anything like this before, and we will be involved with a church plant, mainly focused on youth and children’s work. I wonder what crosses your mind when you read this. Some may have done something similar; some may think we are crazy; some may think it sounds exciting. But my previous preconceptions of missionary folk were based around their holiness, bravery and super-spiritual status, meaning that I was not qualified to apply. As my training progresses, though, I am realising more and more that my stereotypes were unfounded and mission workers are refreshingly normal. This may not seem like rocket science, but has been of great help to me! What’s more, after looking at various missionaries of times gone by, I have seen that although many achieved amazing things in God’s name, they too struggled with their own doubts and areas of weakness.

Dorothy Day is a name that not everyone may be familiar with. I had encountered her name first of all through reading the work of Shane Claiborne and Jim Wallis, and I was intrigued as to who this woman was. As I learnt more, these are some of the words that sprung to mind to describe her:
•    radical
•    feminist
•    pacifist
•    prophet’s voice
•    life of devotion to God and the poor
•    an influencer...
•    but no saint

Dorothy Day’s story brings hope and a challenge to us today, as well as elements of her life and experience resonating strongly with modern life. She has been a great encouragement to me as I contemplate the move to Peru. The following details are very much a taster to tempt others to find out more about her.

Her Story
Dorothy Day was born in 1897.  She grew up with a Protestant Christian faith, although this wasn’t particularly encouraged by her parents. She was nine at the time of the San Francisco Earthquake, and she writes vividly of the effect that this had on her, as she saw much need in the wake of such destruction, but also saw a community caring for each other, including those who themselves had lost much. This had a great impact on her in later life.

After some time at college, she became a writer, journalist and left-wing radical, leaving her childhood faith behind. She hung around with communists, socialists and anarchists, even interviewing Trotsky at one point. This must have been a fascinating time at such a turbulent point in history. She, with her friends, attempted to work out the meaning of life, as countless other young people have done and continue to do, yet here it was against the backdrop of revolution, a world on the brink of war, financial depression and massive injustice.

Interestingly, she stopped short of becoming a member of any of these parties.

It was also a time of positive social change. She was imprisoned as a suffragette, and went on hunger strike, in solidarity with other women prisoners, in order to be recognised as political prisoners. This experience had a profound effect, although not perhaps as much as her second imprisonment, when she was wrongfully arrested on suspicion of being a prostitute. She describes the shame that she felt, and the looks given to her by the police. 

Article: Stepping out - preparing young people for university and college by Ruth Perrin

I have been involved in ministry with British undergraduates since 2000. Most of it has been in universities in the North of England – but a wide spectrum, from the FE college of inner city Bradford, to the Red Brick uni’s of Leeds - and now that esteemed bastion of intellectualism – Durham! Each university and college has a different character; attracts different sorts of students; has its own particular joys and challenges for young Christians.

• Bradford’s biggest challenge used to be ‘vamp-soc’ (yes, really!) and a heavy drinking culture.
• In Leeds it was politics with the university authorities and the thriving party scene that caused the headaches.
• Durham – well, I’m still here, so for diplomacy’s sake let’s just say there are a lot of Christians in a small place with strong theological opinions! 

In some places student ministries thrive, grow, undertake exciting, innovative mission. In others they struggle, bicker and implode.  Some years you’ll see whole cohorts come to faith, or grow into mighty young men and women of God; others you’ll see them walk away, preferring the lifestyle their friends have. It may be exhilarating or exhausting, demanding and relentless – but student ministry is never dull! I realise that many of you are about to release your carefully nurtured youth into the jaws of some university or other. Every year for a decade I’ve had youth workers contact me concerned about a young man or woman they are sending off –‘Will I watch out for them? Will I make sure they get hooked into church or CU?’ My answer is always ‘I’ll do my best’ but in reality there are 20,000 students in Durham (and 70,000 in Leeds!) – If they don’t want to be found, well...it’s a big crowd to hide in!

So, what would I suggest as you get them ready to fly the nest?  Can you help them make good decisions for themselves?  Here are just three thoughts for you to ponder.

In fresher’s week everyone is pretending. 
The law of fresher’s week everywhere is ‘party until you drop!’ Everyone is out to have a ‘crazy good time’ – and even if they’re not, they’ll pretend they are!  Most 1st year students are homesick, a bit bewildered and desperate to fit in; to find some friends.  Those who’ve taken a gap year are usually a bit wiser and more confident but in fresher’s week people do crazy things they’d never normally do – just to belong;  and frankly, girls can be particularly vulnerable to being taken advantage of by ‘concerned’ older students who know drunk first years are easy pickings!

Article: Working with girls - Bcoz Ur Wrth It by Sarah Smart

Lots of youth workers run single-sex groups for girls or boys which provide an opportunity to address issues that just wouldn't work or be appropriate in a mixed setting. One of the challenges in running those groups is how we can subvert and redeem unhelpful stereotypes of what it is to be male or female instead of entrenching them. Sarah Smart tells us about a holiday for girls that she ran recently:

A brand new Scripture Union holiday designed especially for older girls launched this spring and proved to be a big hit. Short break Bcoz Ur Wrth It ran over the weekend of April 16-18 in Barston, West Midlands, with every one of its sixteen places fully booked. The weekend had the ingredients of a luxury spa break, including pampering, beauty treatments and lots of fruit smoothies. Each of the girls also got the chance to express their natural creativity in T-shirt design workshops and a professional photo shoot.

First and foremost though, Bcoz Ur Wrth It provided an opportunity for the girls to meet with God and hear what he has to say especially to them. Holiday leader Sarah Smart explains:
‘Our hope for Bcoz Ur Wrth It was that it could provides a safe space for girls to come away from the pressures of everyday life and clearly hear what God thinks about them and how he has created them to be. ‘Girls today are under so much pressure from their peers and the media about how they should look and act. Through the weekend we wanted to counter that with what God thinks about them – and also to highlight that those pictures in the magazines aren’t a true picture of what girls really look like.’

Article: Women in church leadership by Jenny Howard

This article is based on a questionnaire that I gave to four people in my church on the subject of women in ministry and leadership.  They include a male Anglican priest who left the Church of England when a woman vicar was appointed, a woman in leadership running marriage courses and preaching and two other women, a younger church member and a church member with a Catholic upbringing. 

The questionnaire raised lots of interesting issues:

• The main question seemed to be about women having authority over a man rather than women preaching and leading
• Some people had taken the cultural context into account when looking at scriptures, while others had not.
• There was inconsistency in people’s views of what women could or could not do e. g. that women could step up as a leader of the whole church during the interim period until a man is appointed but not permanently, and that women could be responsible for everything when they go to be missionaries abroad but not here at home.
• Some people based doctrine on one scripture, but didn’t seem to consider the relevance of other scriptures e. g. Phoebe and her role in the church, Priscilla and Aquilla and joint ministry, the implications of Jesus first revealing himself to a woman at the tomb
• With a lack of teaching on the subject of women in leadership, the youngest participant had taken on board what is happening in society today with regard to women and their role in leadership, rather than basing her views on the Bible.
• The example of women leaders from the Old Testament and what we can learn from this e. g. Deborah and Esther and whether God called them to lead and preach
• Women in leadership in the 21st  century

So what do scripture, church tradition and contemporary culture have to say about these issues?

Women - know your place!

In March, Ruth Wells and Nicky Hobby organised a women’s weekend residential aimed at exploring gender, roles and leadership in a safe, fun and challenging way.

Seven women from Bournemouth travelled to the ‘Springhead Trust’ property, in Dorset, a beautiful venue set in tranquil gardens complete with nesting swans and a spring. The aim of the weekend was primarily to explore issues around being a Christian woman. The weekend was put together in response to a demand from group members for some way to discuss key issues with others.

Goodie bags greeted people as they arrived, filled with sweets, stationary, magazines, socks and relevant  pre-printed articles (a few from the Sophia website). The self-catering kitchen meant we could cook for ourselves and enjoy getting to know each other over dinner as well as giving us freedom to have a flexible programme. The programme itself revolved predominately around conversation with structured sessions given over to provoking discussion on particular themes. These themes included; Roles (masculine or feminine?), Place (Society / Church / Family), Leadership.  We used ‘tools’ to begin these discussions like watching a film and taking part in a formal debate.  The sessions were aimed at being challenging, but that challenge coming from peers rather than ‘experts’. 

One of the most highly ‘rated’ activities from feedback was the leadership debate (not the general election kind!) where the group split in half and argued either ‘for’ or ‘against’ women in leadership.  It provided some interesting reactions and emotions in people as well as increasing knowledge of some of the arguments used.

In between sessions there was space to be together, eat, chat, paint, read or to be alone and wander the gardens.  We took a fluid approach with the group steering the pace and the discussion itself. 

A reflective prayer space with several stations and some beautiful worship led by one of the group (Lizz) helped bring the whole weekend to a close along with an informal time of communion.  Our group’s advice to anyone thinking about running something similar is ‘Do it!’  Some top tips would be:

Article: Mary Magdalene - the wrong woman by Amanda Roper

I wonder what images spring to mind when you think of Mary Magdalene?  Prostitute, sinner, demon-possessed, wife of Jesus, the apostle of the apostles, disciple? Until I studied her at university, I suppose I hadn’t given her much thought, other than being vaguely aware of her being a prostitute who was reformed by Jesus.  However, after studying her, I realised that she was a fascinating woman and possibly an early church leader. I also came to realise that despite the scant biblical reference, she has been the subject of much myth and legend. For me, coming from a charismatic evangelical background, she caused me to consider how I come to believe the things I believe; how much of my faith was based on the Spirit and the Word and how much was the influence of church history, the media and at its worst, hearsay and century’s old gossip. 

So what do we actually know about her from the Bible?

John 20:1-18
Mary Magdalene is present at the death and resurrection of Jesus.  She is the first person to talk to Jesus after his resurrection and is entrusted with the responsibility of telling the disciples that she has seen him.
Matthew 27:56 & Matthew 28
Mary Magdalene is present at the death and resurrection of Jesus.  She is part of a larger group of women, but her name is mentioned first, suggesting she is of some importance.
Mark 15 and 16
She is there at the burial of Jesus, and similar to Matthew’s gospel, is named first among a group of women.

And that is all we know of her in Matthew, Mark and John.  However, Luke who has a special interest in women in his writings, tells us a little more.  Similar to the other gospels, he records that Mary Magdalene was first amongst a group of women, and was around at the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus. He also writes in Luke 8:1-3 that she was cured of seven demons by Jesus and, along with some other women of means, helped to support him. 

It is from this rather limited biblical account that the majority of her future legend has been formed.  Through, in my opinion, some harmonisation and tenuous links, history has painted some powerful images of this woman, and tarnished her with a reputation that is undeserved.

There is no direct mention of her being a prostitute in the Bible, so as powerful as the image may be, it is not directly based in Scripture. So, where has it come from? Looking again at the Bible, it is possible to track the development of her perceived character. In Luke 7, a sinful unnamed woman washes Jesus’ feet. In the gospel of John, Mary of Bethany, Martha’s sister performs the same act.  If you then add in that the Bible never explains the cause of Mary’s 7 demons, then we can see the beginnings of a legend.

Article: Working with girls by Jenny Baker

There must be lots of Sophia Network members who are working with girls and young women. I'd love to hear about your experiences which may well be different to mine. Please contribute in the comments below with tips, ideas, disagreement or questions.

When my boys were little, we did the whole nursery rhyme thing. Humpty Dumpty and Incy Wincy Spider were learned with enthusiasm and repeated ad nauseum. But we hit trouble when Harry heard the nursery rhyme ‘What are little girls made of?’ for the first time. Incensed that boys could be described as ‘slugs and snails and puppy dog tails’, he wrote his own version. Instead of the essence of femininity being ‘sugar and spice and all things nice’, he decided that the little girls were made of ‘wee and poo and blobs of goo.’ Looking back I’m proud of his early stand for gender justice, although I can’t say that I agree with his conclusions!

When a baby is born, the first question asked is whether it’s a boy or a girl – after all there isn’t much else distinctive to say about a newborn. And from that moment, boys and girls are brought up very differently – girls cocooned in pink fluffiness, boys expected to be active and adventurous. The debate rages about how much influence nature and nurture have, but there’s no doubt in my mind that our gender is a complex mix of the two. We can’t ignore gender in our work with young people, and there’s an urgent need for both male and female youth workers to understand the distinctive needs of both girls and boys. But there’s also a fair amount of twaddle written about gender, particularly within the church, so I think we need to bear the following in mind in any discussions about it.

Article: The wounded healer by Ann M Weatherley-Barton

 Understanding and valuing self does not come in a vacuum but through God’s people expressing his love and commitment to others, especially to our marginalised and disenfranchised young people. Over many years both my husband and myself have discovered that only long-term commitment to young (and the not so young) offers anything that is really deep and abiding in people’s lives. We are totally committed for the long term with young people and anyone else who comes our way. We have found that without that conviction very little changes especially for those whose lives are in crisis.

In life-long process we have found, as Ken Leech put it so succinctly in his book, ‘The Eye of the Storm’, there is a need to ‘go through people’s hell with them’. For us it is at the heart of our mission and calling while also being at the very heart of the gospel. How can we expect anyone to understand what the love of God is and what it means unless we show them? Francis of Assisi reputedly said: “Always preach the Gospel and sometimes use words.” What a way to live your life. I wouldn’t say that has been my life’s song but if I try and sing this tune then I might be who God wants me to be.

I long rid myself of phrases like “discipling,” and even “getting alongside people” which I now find irksome because it smacks of me doing something to someone else that might or might not be what someone needs. All of a sudden I have come the ‘expert’ for someone else’s life and of course I have all the answers to all their problems. Of course I do. Then I become a “textpert,” finding the perfect biblical verse for every situation known to humanity! The desperate person gets lost in my arrogance, my knowledge and my sole intention of “sorting someone out”.

Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing bad about discipling as long as we are open and humble enough to recognise that we need to be discipled ourselves. Discipling needs to undertaken with a servant’s heart where arrogance and know-it-all attitudes have no place. I don’t even think about such words these days. I would rather spend my time listening and learning from others.

Caring for people on a long-term basis is not a walk in the park or an activity to boost our flagging self confidence, just so we can say: “Look what I’m doing!” We need to grasp the truths that the Bible teaches about what it means to be Christ-like and, we must know it deep in our hearts and spirits. It is a life-long learning curve. We have to go inward and outward in our spiritual walk. We must learn how to love ourselves in order to be able to truly love others. If we try and understand the depth of the love that cost Christ to hang on a cross for us and grapple with that sacrifice, then we may have our blueprint of how we need to be with and for others who are in total despair and on the brink of life.

Article: Singleness and self-pity by Ruth Perrin

I’ve been single for a long time... 

At first it was just a quiet patch in my somewhat tempestuous love life (and a bit of a relief to be honest).

Then it became a dry spell – interrupted by a couple of guy friends declaring their undying love (I tried falling in love with them; they were my friends after all. I just hurt them.)

Then it became a problem, where I was lonely, embarrassed and resentful of everyone else’s love life.

Now – it’s just life. I can see the pros and cons of relationships; of marriage and of being single.  For the most part I can say with Paul, ‘I have learnt to be content with whatever I have.’(Philippians 4:11)  But it’s been a journey – and I don’t suppose I’m at the end of it yet.  But one thing I have learnt.

Self-pity is not a good thing.

Many of us, when we are single live in a sort of temporary world, living like this “just for now, until I meet a man”. Snoozing like Sleeping Beauty or like Snow White – tolerating the dwarves until we get a better option. Thinking, “If only Prince Charming would come along I’d live happily ever after.”

Often we attribute all our struggles, insecurities, loneliness and pain to the fact that we are not in a relationship. “If I only had a man – everything would be ok!” The truth is that in the same way that the scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz cried, “If I only had a brain!” when he already had great intelligence, we need to face the reality of what we already have and that a guy will not fix it all; only God can do that.  Sure there would be someone to hang out with on bank holidays, someone to give us a cuddle after a bad day, someone to feel guilty when they forgot Valentine’s Day/ didn’t notice our hair cut/ left the toilet seat up; someone to be in love with. But a guy, no matter how great he is, will not fix all our struggles and insecurities; he is not the saviour of our world...that is Jesus!

We don’t say it often, but it’s a form of idolatry, ‘Mr Right as Saviour’. And it is really common but completely false.  I know we’ve all watched Patrick Swayze/ Matthew McConaughey/ Brad Pitt save the girl and make her life complete, over and over again. But that is no more real that Bruce Willis saving the world from an asteroid the size of Texas or a leather-clad Batman swooping in to solve the social ills of our city.  It’s a fantasy.

It is also deeply oppressive to men.