Sophia Network

Article: Working with girls at risk of sexual exploitation by Mandy Toombs

So... how do you know when you're actually in love? How do you know when you've met someone who's just right for you and who's worth taking that risk on? Is it when they shower you with gifts, or impress you with their lifestyle and money? How do you know when it's the right time to have sex with them or to marry them or to introduce them to your parents? Is it after they pressure you to lose your virginity to them; when they persuade you to go away for the weekend to a posh hotel which ends up being a cheap motel and force you to do things you didn't want to?  How do you know if they really respect you?  Is it when they charge their friends to have sex with you for the night – or even for a half hour each at a 'party?'

Horrific, shocking and sad; but unfortunately true for many more 'normal' girls than we perhaps would like to admit or realise. We'll all have different answers to these sorts of questions. I remember debating for hours and hours with my friends when I was a teenager about how you would be able to tell if you'd met 'the one' - and whether that had anything to do with whether you could feel comfortable going to the toilet in front of that person! These were heated and opinionated debates in my teenage world and actually we've come to see the great value of conversations like these in the work we do with girls as part of Golddigger Trust. The value of these conversations is mainly in exposing attitudes and expectations in relationships Exploring and sharing these stories with our young people is proving vital - as we saw when working with; Alesha* who came to us in a relationship with a boy she was 'totally in love with' called Josh.* (Names have been changed). Let me share her story with you...

Alesha met Josh in the Peace Gardens – a popular, family friendly place in the centre of Sheffield. They'd seen each other there a few times; he came over to talk to her and they just kind of ended up together. Alesha had been a little bit lonely and didn't feel that anyone really understood her but Josh told her she was beautiful and he made her feel like she was the most important girl in the world. Alesha was 13 and Josh was 17. She loved it that he was a bit more mature, always seemed to have money on him and he had a car.
   
He took her to nice places and he bought her a phone, new clothes and seemed to look after her. Understandably she fell for him and he soon became the most significant person in her world. He started taking her to parties and she would drink quite a bit. Josh would reassure her that she would be fine because he was there to look after her. She lost her virginity to him because he said he'd never felt this way about anyone else before and he wanted her “to be closer to him than any other girl had been”. She wasn't sure if she was ready but she didn't want him to laugh at her – or to leave her for someone who would - so she did it – and it hurt.

Britain's Sex Gangs - documentary on Channel 4 tonight

A hard-hitting documentary on Channel 4 tonight will highlight the grooming and trafficking of British girls within the UK.

Reporter Tazeen Ahmed investigates a crime described by a senior police officer as 'the most vicious, pre-meditated form of crime I have come across short of homicide or terrorism'.

She meets Chloe, now 22, but groomed over a period of months when she was just 12, before being subjected to sustained abuse and gang rape: 'they would lock me in a bedroom and just send man after man in.'

Tazeen also talks to the parents of another 12 year old who had no idea their daughter was being so viciously exploited and meets two men very close to a grooming gang who explain the economics.

A difficult and controversial subject, but one that can't be ignored. It's on Channel 4 at 10:30 tonight and will be available on 4OD afterwards.