Article: Stop wearing me down by a female youth worker

People sometimes ask me if the Sophia Network is really needed. After all, there are lots of competent, gifted women just getting on with some great youth work. But that's only part of the story of women in ministry. This article from a female youth worker who has asked to remain anonymous speaks for itself, but really needs to be heard.

'I am tired. Exhausted, in fact.

There is only so long that you can spend being made to feel inferior for what you are. After some time of this, even the most determined person will find their strength eroded, worn away until only the core of the issue remains. Sometimes not even that – sometimes the struggle removes from them that which they thought they were certain of.

I have spent nearly two years in this kind of struggle. Church after church has welcomed me, taught me great ways to worship, opened my eyes to the fullness of God in the Bible... and then, at some point, revealed that they hold in their hearts an inherent belief that I am inferior and incapable because of my gender.

Please keep reading, this is not meant to be a rant. Nor is it a new topic, I am aware of that. But it is wearing me down. Here is what I believe of our creator God:
God is so magnificent and the fact that he decided to grant us redemption, through Christ, is the most incredible thing that has ever happened. It is true that God did not create all things equal; humanity’s skills in thought, moral reasoning and worship of God are unarguably greater than that of animals. Yet we have no decisive line we can draw on what makes us so different. Each of us shares with chimpanzees over 99% of our DNA, yet we are not chimpanzees. So Christians must conclude that what makes us different is not given through genetics, or physiology, but through God’s great grace. What makes us different is God.

Guide me as to what I may do in the church based on knowledge, or skills. Guide me based on my spiritual strength, my availability or my relationships with others. But do not tell me what I can and cannot do to glorify God based on something as paltry as genetics. No right-thinking person would say someone could not preach because of a disability, or the colour of their skin; the very idea is abhorrent. So too should be the idea of restricting the use of people’s God-given gifts based on an extra X chromosome. These matters of the flesh are the last thing to define our relationship with God. He proved more than was ever needed, through Christ, that flesh is changeable and temporary. God, who can cure blindness, leprosy and, above all, death, will not see a barrier to his glory in a person’s gender.

Clearly not everyone can do everything. Romans 12: 1-8 tells us that we are all equipped differently and should use the gifts we have been given. So why am I told that a Christian man can do exactly that, whereas a woman with a heart for preaching and ministry, no matter how clear her gifts, is restricted? We are all equal in the eyes of God – as children, as sinners, as followers – but not so equal in the eyes of some church leaderships.

So this is not a rant – it is a plea. Stop wearing me down. Stop making me feel ashamed and inadequate because of something I can never change. Stop telling me that accepting Christ as my saviour is the way to get rid of these feelings. I do accept him and will never renounce, no matter how hard you make the road. Stop telling me to stop thinking. Accept the gifts of women and men as God-given, part of what makes humanity special and precious to Christ. Do not demean the sacrifice that was made by putting the curtain in the temple back up – but only for some.

I am so tired. I want to just lie down and sleep, so that I do not have to think on this any more. But I cannot, and as long as I believe in the sacrifice of Christ, he will give me the strength to keep on going.
But fatigue is not easy to live with. Would I find welcome and rest in the name of Christ with you?'

Comments

[radical evangelical]

dear anon

thank you for this - you are brave to give voice to the weariness and frustration of your journey.

it is one that many face (i am not a youth worker but am about to train for ordained ministry) and i have heard other stories like yours and have faced things like this myself.

you are not alone.

the truth i feel is that there are many ways in which women can be demeaned because of their gender - we need to have strength to speak out and we need to encourage each other that we are not 'having a rant' but that we are walking with Christ as he works against injustice in all its forms.

blessings, jody

[Sharon Prior]

Dear Anon!

You are certainly not alone here. I mentor lots of women in churches and christian organisations who feel very similar to you.

It helps me to see that I have been very fortunate in my Christian life, as I have always had men who have supported my gifting and encouraged me to exercise them both in and outside the church. So this has not bee aproblem for me.

However, I would like to encourage you that things can be different and there is hope for things to change. So don't give up.

Sharon

[Sarah Dickenson]

Dear Anon!

I am gutted that you feel like this and want to shout at the top of my lungs - IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS!!

I have to be honest and say that I've found a different approach has kept me from ever experiencing the feelings you've expressed. The different approach I'm talking about is making a conscious decision to submit myself to the male eldership over me and trust them in their God given authority. I've found this approach ridiculously releasing. I don't have to worry, or strive, or push my agenda because I know the guys in authority over me believe in me, know my gifts and will honour and protect me in every situation.

I don't feel like I'm held back, or pushed to the sidelines in fact I'm able to step out with amazing security and freedom. Everything I do is submitted to the elders of the Church I work for and my covering comes from them - I'm not afraid to say that I think submission is key. I wholeheartedly believe eldership is male and that women should be released into EVERY other leadership role going (which would include preaching). I think God has created male and female differently and that includes different roles.

As a part of Christ's Church we're called to submit to GODLY eldership, (whether we're male or female) the more and more I've embraced this the more and more released I've been to use my gifts in the local church, regionally and nationally.

I'm sorry this hasn't been your experience, and bad male leaders can make the life of a gifted women a nightmare - I sympathise with you and share my experience as an encouragement - there are men out there who when secure in their own gifting will do everything they can to release young leaders (male or female) in theirs.

Sarah.

[Colin Wignall]

This is a billiant statement and I pray for more women who stand up and say that Christ's work cannot be done just by men. We all have a part to play and God has and will mighily use women in the fulfillment of his purposes.

[BEV YATES]

Dear Anon, I feel you pain! Praying for a supernatural release and a place of rest for you. Don't stop pushing... the ground has to be broken and you have been chosen for this role. May God Himself, the God of Peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus christ. The ONE who CALLS is FAITHFUL and

HE WILL DO IT!!!!!!