Sophia Network

Women Bishops: Thoughts from young women

A Sophia Network member asked her year 10 group at Chase Community School in North London to research and write about whether women should be allowed to be bishops or not. These two articles have been chosen, as they help us to understand what young women think about this issue. The Church of England synod is meeting over the next few days and will discuss this important issue. Well done to Yasemin, Jade, Beth and Ellie for their contributions on this issue.

Should Women Be Bishops? Thoughts from Ellie.

Now that the Church of England is voting on whether or not women should be bishops, I believe the pros and cons on if this is a good thing should be discussed. The last vote was held on November 2012 and the result rejected women from becoming bishops. Considering the next vote is coming up soon the opinions of different people will soon be valid in deciding if laws should be kept or changed.

In my opinion, women should definitely be allowed to be bishops. Despite being a Catholic and attending a Catholic church, I strongly believe that women should be allowed to be bishops, as women are just as capable and just as important as men. Without women, life wouldn’t be able to be created and if women can form a life they should be able to pursue any job they want without being told that ‘they aren’t allowed’. The reasons given for women not being allowed to become bishops are invalid and incomprehensible in my opinion. They have no understandable reason or argument. For example, the fact that the lead roles in the Bible are played by men should not affect the status a woman can hold in a church today.

A Catholic’s view on this issue is that women should not even be allowed to be priests, let alone bishops. They believe that men and women should have equal roles in society and women should be allowed to study and teach theology however they cannot have the same rights as men in the church. Also, women cannot bless the bread at communion; they can only give it out. The reason that is given is because all Jesus’ disciples were men and the priests today should be an accurate representation of them. The Bible quote "He blessed the bread and broke it” (Mark 14.22), has made Catholics believe that only men can take on this role and it should not be done by women.

However, modern Protestant Christians are in support of women priests and bishops. They accept and teach that men and women are equal in all ways. They believe this because in the Bible it is said that men and women were created at the same time and equally. In the Bible, Paul said “In Christ, there is no difference between … male and female … you are all one in Christ” which has given them the view that Christ would not want women to be treated any differently than men. Also, in the Bible Jesus treated all women as equals, plus there is much evidence that women were priests and bishops in early day churches.

 Should Women Be Bishops? Thoughts from Yasemin, Jade and Beth

In November 2012, the house of Laity voted on having woman bishops, sadly it failed to gain the needed 2/3 of the votes.  Almost 20 years ago, the Church of England decided that woman could become priests, now we are asking, why they cannot be bishops?

The previous Archbishop of Canterbury Rowan Williams said the church had ‘lost a measure of credibility’ after the November 2012 refusal. Some people still have traditional views about how church should be run; such as men take services and women do the cleaning in church. However, these views have been called into light by female priests saying this is sexist and wrong; they now are encouraging other woman to step out of these roles and take inspiration from influential women such as Jessica Ennis.

Some women in the church said that after the November 2012 vote that they were ‘very encouraged by the tone of the debate’. Genesis 1:27 ‘both Adam and Eve were made in God’s image’ meaning men and women were both created as equal in God’s image. It also says in the Bible that a number of women take on roles beyond the role of wife and mother, such as Deborah the leader and Priscilla the teacher, this shows that women can rise above traditional roles and can do the jobs typically done by men.

Jesus challenged many cultural stereotypes of women; for example in John 4:9 he spoke and taught the woman at the well. He had no sexist views so why should we? If we strive to be holy and close to God, why ignore things that Jesus wouldn’t?

A thought to leave you with Galatians 3:28 ‘There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female for you are all one in Christ Jesus.’

 

Sophia Network Update - July 2014

This month we have a variety of great articles, book reviews and Q & As for you to challenge your self perception and develop your leadership capacity.

• Our Potential is Limitless - Sarah Smart from Scripture Union explores how our perceptions of ourselves sometimes limit us in our service of God.

• Q & A with Lizzie Telfer & Sam Hall, also of Scripture Union, about the importance of self-awareness and dealing with our limiting self-perceptions. This is the first time we have a video Q & A. 

• Book review of The Tortoise Usually Wins: Biblical reflections on quiet leadership for reluctant leaders by Brian Harris.

• Q & A with Claire Daniel who helps us to understand how to push through our limiting beliefs to achieve something we might always have wanted to achieve.

• Book review of 80 Creative Prayer Ideas mentioned in Claire’s interview which was published this month. It is amazing what can be achieved when you don’t give in to those limiting beliefs.

• Are you allowing your limiting self-belief to hold you back? Sharon Prior has written a short reflection on what it means to be ‘Transformed by the renewing of our minds’ and how this can help us deal with those limiting self-perceptions.

Equipping Day 2014

Don’t forget to put Saturday 13 September 2014 in your diary for the Sophia Network Equipping Event in Birmingham from 10.30am to 3.00pm. We are so excited to have Jill Garrett with us that day to help us explore how we can continue to develop our leadership style and gifting. You will also need to book your place a.s.a.p. as numbers are limited and you want to be sure of a place. Why not bring along a friend who is interested in developing their leadership?

So sit back, read, listen and be challenged about your own limiting self-perceptions and focus on the God who says you are a gifted and creative individual – because that is how He created you!

Have a great summer and we will see you again in September.

God bless

Sharon

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Sharon Prior

Co-founder of Sophia Network

Join the Sophia Network on social media - contribute to the debate on our active facebook community and tweet us @sophianetwork. You can sign-up to receive our monthly e-news direct to your inbox here.

Book review: 80 Creative Prayer Ideas by Claire Daniel

As a youth and children’s worker I am always looking out for ideas for creative ways to encourage people to pray, so I have seen many resource books on how to engage people in prayer.  I came to this book wondering what could be said that has not already been said and what new ideas might be included.

I have to say I was very pleasantly surprised. The book is divided into various sections looking at different areas of walking with God – walking with the Bible, walking in our world, walking as a church, walking together with God and our personal walk with God.

Under each of these headings are a series of chapters looking at prayer for different people and different seasons. Each idea is then divided into a prayer focus, Bible reflection and personal reflection. There is also a section highlighting what materials you would need to have ready in order to make your prayer session interactive.

Throughout the book are ideas using all our senses and having already used several of the ideas I can testify to the fact that they work well with different age groups.

So I would highly recommend this book for people who lead prayers in their church, house groups, schools or in youth and children’s ministry. There is a wealth of different ideas here and for £8.99 it is excellent value for money.

You can order the book for the Bible Reading Fellowship here.

Sharon Prior is Co-founder and Chair of the Sophia Network.

Q & A with author Claire Daniel

Tell us a little bit about yourself, Claire.

I was born in Wolverhampton, three months early, weighing just 1lb 14 oz. In 1978, it was nothing short of a miracle and a massive answer to many prayers that I survived. I lived with my parents and elder brother, in various homes in the Walsall area of the Black Country, and continue to live locally, since my marriage in 2005. I began going to church during primary school. I have vivid memories of playing Mary in the Nativity and feeling that receiving a prayer of blessing during communion was a very important thing indeed. During my teenage years, having moved house and battled with depression, I had a time of searching and seeking the right place to develop in my faith. I experienced a few different places of worship, including Quaker meetings and a local Anglican Church, before being invited to a Pentecostal Church, by a friend. It was here that I found the blend of lively worship, quiet reflection and fellowship that suited me. My relationship with God developed over the years and I became involved in leading at children’s church, holiday clubs, doing ‘gospel spots’ and prison ministry.  I was baptised by full immersion, aged 19. I met my husband, Gary on a Christian dating site and in 2006 God led us to our current church, where I support Gary in his leading of The Hothouse, a fresh expression of church, reaching out into the local community. Since joining Aldridge Parish Church, I have been confirmed and taken on various roles including house group leader, leading services and running creative prayer services, both at our church and at the Hothouse.

Having completed an English degree at University, I spent the early part of my career working in education, as a Learning Mentor and support worker.  In 2009, having had another difficult period of depression, I was given the amazing opportunity to change career path and take on my own beaded jewelry business. This not only allows me to run my own business but also to support a Christian charity working in Bulgaria, called Krasifaid. I also worked part-time in local museums and art galleries and continue to supply handmade jewelry and run workshops at a range of locations.

Alongside my jewelry business, I am also a full-time mum to 19 month old Ewan Malachi. Having struggled with infertility and PCOS for four years we finally have our miracle boy, following an operation on my ovaries! I was extremely blessed, after many years of sending my prayer ideas to publishers, to be offered the chance to write my book on creative prayer ideas, at the same time as becoming a parent for the first time!

Have you always wanted to be an author?

Yes, Very much so! As quite a young child I remember writing children's stories and sending them to a publisher. These were typed on an old-fashioned quirky typewriter and illustrated by myself. Although nothing came of this I always enjoyed writing stories, plays and articles outside of my schoolwork. I also had an article published on teletext, as part of the Newsround press pack club. I had certainly always dreamt of one day being an author, but never imagined that it might one day be a reality! God has blessed me with the opportunity to use my enthusiasm for creativity, both in my writing and my craft business. Being able to use the skills I have to share His love with others, through a book of creative prayer ideas, is a huge answer to prayer. 

What are some of the things that excite you about prayer and the reasons for writing this book?

Prayer is such an amazing tool, both for communicating our thoughts, hopes and requests to God and also for listening and responding to Him! Some of the most significant moments in my walk with God have occurred during times of personal or congregational prayer and reflection.  Prayer can be cathartic, joyful, painful or vulnerable, but it is also life changing. Creative prayer gives the chance to spend time reflecting and giving things over to God, using physical responses. Creative methods of prayer not only gives the opportunity to respond to God, it also allows Christians to spend time drawing near to God perhaps in a new or fresh way. For many years, I had been creating prayer stations for use with my house group, in church and at the Hothouse as part of services. It was suggested to me that I should try to get these ideas published as a collection for others to use, to share further the ideas God had inspired me to write.

What is hard about writing and what are some of the hard things you have to go through in writing a book?

It is often difficult, with any piece of writing, to put your ideas across and to make your points clearly, yet concisely. Consideration also has to be made to the audience to whom the writing is seeking to reach.  In the case of this book, it was crucial to make the instruction sections easily understandable, with the right amount of information, without it being overly detailed where it wasn’t necessary. I found, like all of us, that some days when I was writing, it was hard to think of the right words and to avoid too much repetition of phrases. Presenting my ideas to various publishers, without success, meant a number of years of patience and persevering. Having been given the chance to write with BRF, as a first time author, I found the process of submitting my ideas challenging yet really interesting! I learnt so much about condensing my ideas and omitting those pieces of information that were perhaps not needed. There are also some very big stretches of time in the journey to publishing a book where a proposal or draft is with your editor or proofreaders and you have to let it go and wait for weeks or months, whilst they do their part. I also found that I had to reach a point with each draft where I sent it off, in faith – the perfectionist in me could have gone over and over it making changes forever!

What would you say to young girls and women who have a desire to be an author?

Be prepared for disappointment, putting your ideas in the hands of others to face rejection is a vulnerable thing to do and so often disheartening. Continue to seek God through prayer, if He is calling you to share your writing in some type of forum, you will find a route to getting it into the public arena. Actively look for opportunities to do this and bravely communicate the things that He is giving you. There are so many inspiring female Christian authors around, read widely the blogs, books and articles written by other authors, male or female.  Take inspiration from their writing, consider their strengths and develop your own personal style of writing. Write for enjoyment, keep a journal and always have a notepad with you to make notes when inspiration comes.  For many writers, the best way of beginning to share your writing with others is showing it to friends and family, asking for their advice and constructive criticism. Writing, was traditionally more of a male dominated area, particularly when it comes to Christian writing. However, there are so many brilliant female Christian writers, bloggers and inspiring women that it is certainly a much more level playing field nowadays. In the case of my book, I had actually approached the publishers two years earlier, but it was only on proposing it again later that the timing was right for them to take the ideas further!

What else would you like to write about and why?

Since being given the chance to write my first book of prayer ideas, God has inspired within me with many more creative ideas and I would love to share some more of these, perhaps in a similar volume. The confidence BRF placed in me and the process of collating this first volume definitely released a fresh inspiration and creativity, so I have plenty more ideas drafted already!  I have ideas around writing some reflections and prayers about the journey from infertility into parenthood. Though there are already many books for Christian women on both infertility and parenting, I would be interested to develop ideas for a book that is more of a series of reflection and prayer, to support women and help them draw close to God in these circumstances.  I think a part of me would still love to work on writing children's books, and I have always thought that I could probably fill a book with all of the funny things children say, from my experiences in children’s ministry!  I would also be delighted to write articles or individual devotionals and develop a slightly different style of writing.

So are there any budding authors out there who just need a prompt to get writing – you just need to overcome those limiting beliefs and do it!

Reflection: Are you allowing your limiting self-belief to hold you back?

What excuses do you make when it comes to understanding yourself and your service for God? Do you often remain silent in order to avoid conflict? Or when you make a mistake do you allow it to roll around in your mind for ages convincing you that you are a failure.  Maybe you often say ‘yes’ to things when you know you should say ‘no’, but you don’t want the other person to think badly of you. All these things are limiting self-perceptions, which hold us back from all that God wants to do in and through our lives.

I believe that when Paul says in Romans 12:1-2 ‘Be transformed by the renewing of your minds’ this is what he meant. It is as if he is saying to you and me – don’t let these things rule you and paralyse you from your service of God.

So, what limiting beliefs are holding you back from being the person that God wants you to be and to serve God in the way that he designed you to serve him?

Take some time today to reflect on what these things might be. Ask God and a friend who knows you well to help you identify what your limiting self-perceptions are.

Then think about how you are being transformed by the renewing of your mind in these areas? What do you need to do to make sure that these limiting beliefs can be changed into empowering beliefs? 

Sharon Prior is Co-founder and Chair of Sophia Network.

Our Potential is Limitless

This month Sarah Smart writes an article about how our limiting self-perceptions can hold us back from reaching our potential in God. She says…

I wonder how many times during a week that we could catch ourselves thinking negative thoughts about ourselves? For me those thoughts usually go along the lines of “If only I hadn’t said that” or “If only I looked like that then I could…” or “That person can do this so much better than I can”.

Or is that only me?

The problem is that not only do those thoughts portray negative things about ourselves in the present, but they also limit our potential for the things we can achieve in the future.

The incredible thing about being a Christian is that no matter how we may feel about ourselves at a particular point in time, the truth is that we are children of God (John 1:12) who were created in His image (Genesis 1:27). We are created with a purpose to be witnesses to the incredible things Jesus has done (Acts 1:8) and to show others the goodness of God (1 Peter 2:9). In God’s eyes our potential is limitless, but so often we let the limiting perceptions that we have of ourselves get in the way of becoming the people God has called us to be.

I became a Christian when I was 15 years old; until then the concept of being a masterpiece created for a purpose was one that I had never come across. I still vividly remember the evening when the faith that had become familiar to me through the lives of some of my friends became a personal reality through the words of Psalm 139. One of my youth leaders was reading the Psalm as part of a youth talk and afterwards I prayed with her and gave my life to Jesus. From that moment I have been on a journey of discovery, finding out what it is that God has in His plan for me. Thankfully, that calling is based on the truth of being a child of God rather than my limiting self-perceptions.

As we go through life discovering what it is that God is calling us to, it is essential that we learn to see ourselves through God’s eyes. In Josh McDowell’s book See Yourself As God Sees You he recognises that “your core identity – and particularly your perception of it – plays a vital role in determining how you carry yourself in daily life.”[1] He also states “your identity as a child of God will make a world of difference in how you view your life, your struggles, your relationships with others, and your relationship with God.”[2] So how do we achieve this in a world where the media constantly reminds us of the brokenness all around us, where a new breakfast cereal promises to revolutionise the next season of our lives, or a new moisturiser guarantees that we won’t look any older? McDowell’s recommendation is that in order to transform our sense of identity and hold on to the truth of who we are created to be, we need to immerse ourselves in environments where the truth about who we are abounds.[3]

What do these environments look like for you? Maybe it is a spouse or close friend who will always remind you of your identity in Christ. Maybe it is your work colleagues who will encourage you to try something that you never thought you could achieve. Who are the cheerleaders who will walk with you through this journey of discovery and keep reminding you of who it is that God has created you to be and called you to do?

Sarah Smart is Scripture Union Development Worker for the South East region.

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[1] Josh McDowell, See Yourself As God Sees You (Cumbria: Paternoster Publishing, 2000), p5

[2] Josh McDowell, See Yourself As God Sees You (Cumbria: Paternoster Publishing, 2000), p7

[3] Josh McDowell, See Yourself As God Sees You (Cumbria: Paternoster Publishing, 2000), p166

Q & A with Sam Hall, Fundraising Manager at Scripture Union

Lizzie Telfer interviews Sam Hall about the importance of self-awareness in leadership.  Sam is a fundraiser for Scripture Union and is juggling this with being a mum to two young children.

 Videography by Dan Jolliffe.

 

Book review: The Tortoise Usually Wins by Brian Harris

 

What persona springs up in your imagination when hearing the word, ‘leader’? For me, it isn’t someone who orders their followers into tasks or throws their egotistical weight and position around to gain results and respect. Instead, I see leadership from the biblical perspective that Brian Harris writes about; leadership imaging the metaphors of servant hood, shepherding and stewardship

Harris calls this style of leadership, ‘quiet’. For him, this description implies that quiet leaders are those who step up because their primary motivators are to empower, collaborate and help their followers to decide what the best things to do are and then to do them. They involve others and are decentred on themselves. They may be charismatic but equally they may not but earn respect from being shepherds, servants and stewards of the resources under them.

There is more description to how Harris pictures the quiet leader; he describes the quiet leader as a tortoise and as reluctant. When reading, I thought that these were unhelpful descriptions, as they played on cultural images of weakness and negativity but upon thinking about why Harris classifies the quiet leader as a tortoise, it is because quiet leadership is underpinned by the following values; modesty, restraint, tenacity, interdependence and other-centeredness, rather than leading from ego. What he implies by reluctance is that some quiet leaders don’t recognise their leadership potential and won’t always step up, or prevaricate in taking up the baton e.g. Moses arguing with God that he couldn’t lead (Exodus 3). Harris also uses ‘reluctance’ as a description because it is so opposite to sometimes what culture perceives to be the best leader – quiet leaders don’t centre on themselves thinking that they are the answer to solving the world’s problems but step up in humility, leaning on God and working alongside others.

Forbes magazine surveyed 2,400 millennial globally in 2013 about leadership and business. The results revealed that millennia’s look for inclusivity, openness and diversity in their leaders but they also aspire to lead this way. Remarkable really as these are attributes of the quiet leader. 

The structure of The Tortoise Usually Wins consists of case studies, theory and practical reflective questions at the end of every chapter, therefore enabling reflection to greater leadership self-awareness. There are chapters to explore the imagery of quiet leadership, as well as chapters on how to practically carry out quiet leadership. Finally at the end of every chapter, Harris interviews a quiet leader based in a variety of contexts – I found this really inspiring, from a biographical standpoint. Although, most of the leaders who were interviewed were men and therefore, it would have brought more wealth to the table if there was an equal representation of men and women leaders.

This is an interesting book which should be read by every leader whether quiet or loud, as it helpfully lays out a theological basis for leadership. It is useful for those who are reluctant to step up and for those exploring and growing in their leadership style. I would suggest that those leading in more professional and organisational settings pick it up and explore whether your organisational cultures enable a variety of leadership styles or only one because it maybe that this book challenges you to embrace the diversity of human resources and to grow in better stewardship of them.

Brian Harris writes from the heart and must be read by the whole church, whether quiet leaders or not!

Lizzie Telfer works as an Assistant Publisher at Scripture Union, and is a youth participation consultant and freelance writer.

Sophia Network Update - June 2014

In The 7 Deadly Sins of Women in Leadership, Kate Coleman talks about the 'disease to please'. This month we've taken this subject and asked several friends of Sophia to write about it from their perspective.

• Aline Xavier interviewed Martin Hardwidge, lecturer in Oasis College, about how he handles the disease to please in his work;

• Author and Head of EA Media Chine Mbubaegbu reflects on her own need for approval and how this has impacted her life;

• Meg Cannon from GB Ministries challenges us to 'pull up the weeds of needing to please';

• Dr Steve Holmes explains why he created the new web resource - The Alabaster Jar - and how we can help develop it.

Equipping Day

Don’t forget to put Saturday 13 September (10.30 - 3.00pm) in your diaries as the date for the Sophia Network Equipping Day and AGM. This year, our theme is:

Leading from Within: Discover your leadership style.

We are really pleased to have Jill Garrett coming along to help us think about our personal leadership style. Jill was European Managing Director of the Gallup Organisation for nearly 8 years and is Director of Leadership Development and Employee Engagement at LT Consulting. More details will follow shortly.

Will you join us?

The Trustees and Steering Group of Sophia Network are also looking at our strategy going forward and we need help to grow and develop the network.

• Do you have a few hours a month that you can give on a volunteer basis to Sophia?
• Do you have skills in fundraising, website development, event planning or social networking?
• Can you commit to fulfilling these responsibilities? Download Sophia Network Responsibilities of Trustees and Steering Group Members?
• Are you available to join us on our Vision Day on 21 November 2014?

Then we'd love to hear from you. Please complete this short application form by the end of June. Any questions? Contact Sharon Prior via email (sharonprior1@btinternet.com). 

Hope you have a great month and enjoy the contributions we have for you this month.

God bless

Sharon

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Sharon Prior

Co-founder of Sophia Network

Join the Sophia Network on social media - contribute to the debate on our active facebook community and tweet us @sophianetwork. You can sign-up to receive our monthly e-news direct to your inbox here.

The Disease to Please: Confessions of an Approval Addict

I missed the original deadline for this article. The preceding days and weeks had been taken up by an unprecedented amount of busyness in almost every area of my life – a high proportion of it in some way because of the side effects of being a sufferer of the disease to please. The deadline for this article loomed at the back of my mind along with many other deadlines while I precariously attempted to juggle the balls of a hectic life.

As deadline day approached and I was given a gentle reminder, I realised that it would just be impossible for me to get it done in time. But along with that realisation came panic: could I really ask for an extension? What would they think of me? Would I be letting the mask slip? Would I be letting them down? Would they ever speak to me again?

I’m more than a little bit obsessed with the psychological personality profiling of the Myers Briggs test (look away now if you think it’s all just a load of mumbo jumbo). Of the 16 personality types, I’m an ESFJ (extroverted, sensing, feeling, judging), which makes me pretty prone to people pleasing. According to the test, ESFJs “need approval from others to feel good about themselves. They are hurt by indifference and don’t understand unkindness. They are very giving people, who get a lot of their personal satisfaction from the happiness of others. They want to be appreciated for who they are, and what they give.”

My ESFJ people-pleasing has led me to do some ridiculous things, including driving to airports at ungodly hours, missing out on sleep in order to keep all the balls in the air and all the people pleased, finding it extremely difficult to ask for help – and occasionally being taken advantage of.

For the people pleaser superwoman-types, the words “I can’t” or “No” are among the hardest in the English language. For me, these words have symbolised failure and shame. To say that you’re unable to do something means you’ll be letting someone down; they will in turn think badly of you and that you aren’t so capable after all. And they’ll eventually think you’re a bad person and reject you.

The people-pleasing syndrome is tied up in so many other complex issues about our sense of identity and value, our need for approval, our self-esteem and how we view the world around us. “Be perfect, just as your heavenly father is perfect,” we read in Matthew 5:48. And I could pretend that it’s this verse that is the driving force behind my people-pleasing.  But it’s just not. The drive to be perfect is in fact more an obsession with making yourself appear to be perfect all the while being very aware of your own failings – just not wanting to let them out.

Brene Brown writes in her brilliant book The Gifts of Imperfection: “Perfectionism is a self-destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: if I look perfect and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimise the painful feelings of shame, judgement and blame.”

We want to please people because ultimately we want their approval. But as Christians that’s a dangerous place for us to be. Paul writes in his letter to the Galatians (1:10): “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”

These words are pretty hard for us to hear. But remembering them will make us stop and question the motives behind why we do things; is it really about doing good or being kind or giving? Or is it more about seeking affirmation and approval from others in order to avoid the ultimate pain: rejection?

I’m not sure what the answer is, but as I’m growing older I’m beginning to realise that it’s OK to say no; that people will not think less of me because of it – that they might even still like me. Ultimately, this is all about being authentic about who we are and what we can do rather than keeping up a façade at all costs for fear of what other people might think.

After all, all I did was ask for an extension and this article was written. No one died. No one thinks I’m a failure because of it. And that’s something to remember.

Chine Mbubaegbu is head of media & communications at the Evangelical Alliance and author of Am I Beautiful? (Authentic, 2013). She is a trustee of the Bible Society, the Christian Enquiry Agency and the Church & Media Network.  

Pull up the weeds of needing to please

I remember walking into my 11+ exam and hearing some parents say this to their crying daughter... 'If you don't pass these exams you won't get the horse or the computer room.'  Poor girl - going into an exam with so much pressure to do well and please her parents. There was no 'I love you, just try your best.' But instead 'if you do this, you'll get this, and if you don't, you'll get nothing.'

Now I don’t know if this girl failed her exams or not but if she did, her fall would have been massive, with no crash matt of love and understanding to fall on. The way her parents spoke to her was cold and heartless. I think this exposure to such intense pressure at such a young age is very dangerous.

Now I’m not suggesting that all parents are like that, but the sad reality is that our culture holds sky high standards, many of which are unobtainable yet still we try and try and try. I've got a feeling that for young people this 'need to please' and fit in only increases as they move through their school years and are faced with these constant messages of who they should be and how they should act.

Body image is talked about a lot in the media with many calling for change in this area. Yet we are still constantly faced with glossy images telling us that to be happy and successful we need to be a certain shape with flawless bronzed skin and flowing Kate Middleton-esque locks.

I overheard a conversation in a supermarket last week where a girl said 'I've just finished the juice diet, I lost 6lb! But then in the few days after I put on 8lb... it's onto the next diet for me!' This girl was so slim and I just thought how sad is it that she feels the need to change and fit in.

Many young people are pressured into sexually pleasing their boyfriends and girlfriends in ways that they do not feel comfortable – the main reason that young people go along with this is their desire to please.

So let's take a look at this:

If parents are speaking to their children in this way and constant exams demand more and more of them, If friends are smoking and drinking and young people are desperate to fit in and if society is filling their minds with unobtainable images of what's normal, If relationships are demanding more of them to please each other (literally!) Then young people are in a constant battle to achieve, please and fit in.

I remember when I was at school I had a friend who used to secretly cut at her legs because she didn't feel 'perfect enough'. She used to say 'I have to punish myself because I get things wrong’. We have a problem here. It's more than just wanting to be liked, it's that we're so desperate to please and so worried what people think of us that we're no longer comfortable being ourselves.

What's the answer?

Well I've come to realise that it starts with conversations, exploring life together. Being honest with each other and taking a look at the things that hold us back and control us. I’ll admit, I want people to like me! I often worry that they won’t and I try my hardest to please everyone around me. There, I’ve said it, what about you?

Over the past few years I've been working on a place for young women to be encouraged. This place is called 'koko' and is a website that I'm filling with challenging videos, blogs and interviews.

The hope is that it will become a safe place to explore subjects like those mentioned above, and through the creation of films about body image, peer pressure, alcohol, self-harm etc. we can encourage other people to feel confident to be themselves.

It’s got me thinking, this constant striving to please is like a weed. I really do think we need to dig up the roots of our insecurities and begin to fill that space with confidence and authenticity. Let’s encourage each other to do that.

Come and say hello over on koko and let me know what subjects you’d like to see explored on there.

Meg loves to make films and tell stories. She works for Girls' Brigade Ministries and runs a website called koko which aims to inspire, encourage and challenge teenage girls around the world. You can find it all here - www.thekokostory.com

 

 

Q & A with Martin Hardwidge, Senior Lecturer at Oasis College

Tell us a little bit about yourself, Martin.

I originally trained to be a primary school teacher, but have been in paid ministry in various forms since 1980. That’s led me to what I’m doing now, which is working full time as Senior Lecturer in Youth Work at Oasis College of Higher Education. I’ve been married to Sue for 40 years, and for 21 of those, she has been a Baptist Minister. So my time revolves around being a lecturer, and church ministry (I’m heavily involved in church life and preaching).  Oh and we have two sons, both of whom will be becoming fathers in October within a week of each other, which is very exciting!

That sounds pretty busy! What are some of the challenges of balancing full time work and vocational ministry?

When working in a fulltime job and ‘being married’ to ministry, it becomes easy to conceive everything I do as work. The edges of our working patterns are blurred – being a lecturer is most certainly better defined than church ministry. People have told us that we should see our paid employment as two separate jobs – a lecturer and a Baptist Minister. For us this really doesn’t work, - vocational ministry is vocational ministry and we have chosen to commit to it together. On many levels that can be a challenge!

We do struggle to find days off together, particularly as Sue’s working days include Saturdays and Sunday’s. Her day off is a Friday, when I work. So I need to be really careful that on Friday’s I’m intentional to not talk ‘church’ and to respect her days off… needless to say it doesn’t always work!

Have you ever felt the need to please others? How did you handle it?

In church ministry, Christians will often try to define what they think your ministry should look like and express their opinion as though it has come directly from the Almighty. In this situation it’s easy to confuse the notion that you are pleasing God when you are actually pleasing people. Now, I’m not someone who thinks well on my feet – I need time and space to plan and think things through carefully. This includes sermon writing, where I tend to write a full script to read. For some, this doesn’t fit with their ideas about inspiration, as they believe it doesn’t allow the Holy Spirit to work freely in and through me. In these circumstances I feel tempted to please them, to try to be the preacher they want me to be. Over the years I have learnt that it’s OK to say no or not bend to their expectations, but it’s fair to say I’ve tended to learn this the hard way! In the final analysis when people project their opinions onto you, it’s up to you whether or how much you buy into them.

Part of feeling the need to please others in ministry also involves feeling the need to not upset others. As Sue’s husband I do feel like I have a responsibility to not rock the boat with issues at church, which can be really difficult. I will usually run my sermons past her, as I’m aware of the possible consequences of sharing particular views. Most certainly I make it clear that they are my views! In Baptist Ministry the temptation to please could be greater, because the stark reality is that the church membership pay Sue’s wages! Upsetting the membership could potentially put your job on the line.

For some of us, pleasing others is a hard habit to change especially when we are dealing with other members of the body of Christ. Do you have any wisdom about how to break the cycle?

 Get older! I have most certainly learnt with experience and over time… No, seriously, on one level, I’d ask what’s wrong with pleasing people? Really, people pleasing is used as a derogatory term. I most certainly would not strive to displease people.  It requires a level of personal self-confidence and assertiveness that can cope with pleasing or not pleasing people. Perhaps more important is the support of likeminded others.

When people are passionate about being part of God’s mission, they often want to be involved in everything. With your various hats, you are asked to participate in a large number of projects and initiatives. How do you choose wisely and discern to spend your time on?

Sue and I see our ministry as joint – for us, it’s impossible to see the work at the church as her role alone. Therefore, together, we bring different skill sets. Mostly, we chose wisely and discern the projects and initiatives we do based on our skill sets, and how these can be maximised and part of that process is recognising our tendency to over commit.

If you were able to give a piece of advice to your 20 year old self, what would it be?

I’d say two things. Firstly, get to grips with non-managerial supervision or mentoring earlier. Particular people in my life have been lifelines when we have been stretched from pillar to post, and battered and bruised in the process. In vocational ministry, these lines of accountability have been invaluable.

Secondly, hold on to your integrity. Don’t compromise on this. We have learned from sometimes wondrous and sometimes bitter experience that being honest to yourself about who you are in God is much more important than what anybody else thinks.  

Martin Hardwidge is a Baptist Youth Specialist, his wife Sue is a Baptist Minister, they currently live in Stevenage. Martin is a Senior Lecturer at Oasis College in London.

New resource: The Alabaster Jar

Dr Steve Holmes, Senior lecturer at University of St Andrews, explains the reasons why he created a new web resource and how we can help develop it.

 

The Alabaster Jar  - www.alabasterjar.org.uk- is a website devoted to telling stories of female church leaders across the history of the church, women whose stories should be told across the world because they have done something beautiful for Jesus.

 

There are probably three key moments that led to me putting the time into setting this up.

 

One was a response from a friend, a pastor, to a blog post I wrote on International Women’s Day a year or two ago, telling something of the story of the amazing evangelist and leader Phoebe Palmer; she tweeted ‘thank you for giving us our history back’.

 

Another was reading Scot McKnight’s wonderful e-book, Junia is not Alone which at one point tells the stories of three female leaders from church history without naming them; Scot asked simply why these stories are forgotten, when others, of men, are still told?

 

The most important, however, was talking to a friend, another pastor, who had been a member of our current church whilst a student in St Andrews; she spoke of the difficulty as a young woman experiencing a call to the pastoral ministry of not knowing of any role models, never seeing or hearing a woman preach in the pulpit.

 

Of course, I’d heard and read that story before from many different women, but she was talking about the congregation my three daughters are growing up in; thankfully they see women behind the lectern (the pulpit’s long gone…) regularly, but it hit me with much more force because of the personal connection.

 

So in my head I had a young, gifted woman (probably if I’m honest in my head I had my own 13 year old daughter, or what I thought she might be like in three years time), and I imagined that she was being called by God to the ministry of the gospel, and was trying to understand that call. How would she hear about all the glorious role models who have gone before, about Phoebe Palmer and Lydia Sexton and Catherine Booth and Junia the apostle and Catherine of Siena and Sojourner Truth and Marie Dentière and Mary Dyer and Hadewijch of Antwerp and Katherine Chidley and thousands more?

 

I thought about a book. Then I thought about a website. Then I started the research. I had some wild ideas of paying people who can write properly for teenagers to write up my research, and paying other people to do some nice artwork, but in the end decided I just needed to get the thing going in some form, to trust that the stories mattered enough to not need too much dressing up. I would love to have better writers than me, and illustrations and other things; I would love the site to become enormous, hundreds of stories of gifted women called and used by God, a forest that someone could lose herself in for days at a time. But I preached last month on not despising the day of small things, and felt the time had come to start with what I had, rather than dreaming about what I might be able to get.

 

So if you go to the website you’ll find a modest collection of a dozen or so stories, with an architecture that will support many more. I intend to add at least a couple of stories a month myself, and have already been inviting others to join in. For each woman featured there are two basic pages, one a straightforward telling of her story, the other a guide to the scholarly sources for her life, and also a place for any needed argument (‘of course Junia was a woman; here’s why…’). The second page is to help someone to go deeper, or to respond to someone who rejects this or that story as implausible; you don’t have to take my word that it happened; here’s the scholarship! There’s space, obviously, to link to other things: pictures; online editions of her writings, if there are any; or whatever else might be useful.

 

I am deliberately wanting the site to contain nothing more than the women’s stories; there are places, of course, for controversy, for arguing about the interpretation of a couple of verses from Timothy and Corinthians, but there’s a place to tell stories too, stories that will inspire women to trust in God’s calling on their lives, and stories that will challenge others with evident works of the Spirit through the leadership and preaching ministry of women.

 

Several people have asked if they can help; yes, in two ways: with content; and through spreading the word. If you know about Argula von Grumbach or Sophia Wigington Hume or St Mary MacKillop or Julian of Norwich or Sor Juana Inés de la Cruz or whoever and would like to write about her for the site, you would be so much more than welcome; if you know women who would be encouraged to learn of mothers in the faith called and gifted by God to lead Christ’s church, please do point them to the site. 

Sophia Network Update - May 2014

We hope you had a great Easter time remembering the death and resurrection of Jesus, our Saviour and Lord.

This month we are focusing on what it means to have healthy work/life rhythms in our lives. So we are pleased to have the following contributions:

• Aline Simpson writes a book review on the book Boundaries by Henry Cloud & John Townsend

• Sources of vitality for our souls - Jeremy Thomson refers us to Psalm 127 in his reflection on our busy lives.

• How can we model a different work-life rhythm? Dan Crouch shares his own experiences.

• Sheryl Sandberg's Leaning In to Work-Life rhythms - Aline Simpson reviews a recent leadership equipping event with Facebook COO's Sheryl Sandberg.

We hope you are inspired by this month's contributions. As a community, we challenge you to take one action which will help you in your work-life rhythm. Share with us on Facebook or Twitter!

Sophia Network Equipping Event 2014

We are very pleased to announce that our annual Equipping Event (including short AGM) will be on Saturday 13 September 2014 from 10.30am – 3.00pm in Birmingham.

Jill Garrett (European Managing Director of the Gallup Organisation for nearly 8 years and now Director of Leadership Development and Employee Engagement at LT Consulting) has agreed to be our speaker for the day. She will be speaking on issues around wisdom for leaders.

So get the date in your diary, tell your friends and we will send more details shortly.

Hope you have a great May

 

God bless,

Sharon 

Chair of Sophia Network

(Image courtesy of Dan/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net).

Sheryl Sandberg's Leaning In to Work/Life Rhythms

Trustee Aline Simpson went to hear Sheryl Sandberg speak last month about her book.

I recently had the opportunity to hear Sheryl Sandberg speak in London as she was promoting her latest book, a revised edition of ‘Lean In’ that is about business leadership and development, issues around the lack of women in government and business leadership positions, and feminism.

Sandberg holds a fairly substantial profile. As well as being COO of Facebook and the first ever woman to serve on Facebook’s board, she is an ex-executive of Google, and in 2012 was also listed in Time Magazine’s top 100 influential people in the world. Financially she is reported to be worth US$1bn. She is an acclaimed author, keynote speaker at TED, and has served on the Walt Disney Board. I think you will agree this is a really busy working life!

So what can work/life rhythms look like for her? As one of the worlds most successful businesswomen in one of the worlds most profitable companies, married to David Goldberg who is the CEO of Survey Monkey, AND they have two children, surely the idea of life balance can’t come into play?

Well actually, quite the contrary. Sheryl and David live life by what they call a ‘shared earning / shared parenting marriage’, where partners chose from the outset of marriage that all aspects of family life are shared equally. From a faith perspective, this would be an egalitarian marriage, for she states ‘a truly equal world would be one where women ran half our countries and companies and men ran half our homes… not where women have two jobs [parenting and work] where men only have one’. Sheryl claims that she doesn’t work past 5.30pm, that her and David ensure that one of them is available to do the school run, and that at least one of them eats with their children every night. Leaning in, as is the focus of her book, involves being able to also lean back.

What is clear is that these work / life rhythms don’t simply happen for their family. ‘We have to work at our lives. Spending time with our schedules is what enables family life to work. Unless we do that, of course the balance wouldn’t be there… our shared Google calendar is something that we are very intentional about. We know why we are doing this so that’s why we keep going. That’s what motivates us’.

This applies to both of them. On the same subject, David, who was also present, added ‘it really matters to us that we are not only present in our children’s lives, but in one another’s. Our work schedules mean that we feel pressure to look at emails in the evening and just quickly finish off that document within a tight deadline. And of course we have both been guilty of doing both of those things at times. But the reality is, the world won’t stop moving if those things wait until the morning’.

What can we learn here?

For the average Sophia Network reader, it’s probably fairly accurate to say that life is not like that of Sheryl Sandberg. And nor should it be. For those in ministry, evening work puts very practical challenges in place that does not always enable the flexibility to always eat together as a family. As ministry involves people rather than products, they are more difficult to say ‘no’ or ‘wait’ to. Critics might further suggest that Sandberg is ignorant to the everyday difficulties of many families, who struggle to make ends meet in a challenging economy. However, within the pressures and constraints of her and David’s work demands, it is clear that Sandberg will not compromise on prioritizing family. She is sure of her priorities and works at ensuring they are responded and attended to.

She is not afraid of representing the non-norm in putting boundaries around her working life and saying ‘no’ to unreasonable expectations, something for which she has been criticized. ‘I don’t believe that anyone who stands for change won’t be criticized… we need to move beyond the stereotypes, which starts by realizing and stating the stereotypes exist’.

• What are the expectations on you at work and at home, from yourself, and others around you?
• Are they reasonable?
• What adjustments need to be made to ensure that you are attending to your priorities, for a healthy work / life rhythm?
• What does leaning back mean for you?

Sheryl Sandberg’s book, Lean In, is available on Amazon here

Book Review: Boundaries by Henry Cloud & John Townsend

Trustee Aline Simpson writes an older book Boundaries, but one that we at Sophia feel everyone should read.

The idea of maintaining good boundaries in life is a term that is commonly batted around Christian Ministry, and historically is an area that I have frequently found challenging. Managing a heavy workload, an active social life, commitment to church, and preparing for marriage has meant that over the last year, many people have ‘demanded’ my time. As a ‘yes’ person, I regularly over-commit, with the consequences being that I compromise on those who mean most to me, because it’s easier to say ‘no’ to them! It’s fair to say my boundaries have been fluid and inconsistent.

So when a colleague of mine told me about Boundaries by Dr’s Cloud and Townsend, I was intrigued to read it. I had never heard of the subject of boundaries being written about before, particularly from a Christian perspective, and was interested to see what I could learn for a more balanced approach to life.

The premise of this book is that you cannot control what other people say and do, but you can control how you react and make your own choices - and it explains in simple terms how to go about that. The first few chapters help the reader understand what boundaries are, and then it moves on to exploring boundary conflicts with those alongside us – family, friends, spouses, children, work, the self, and God. I was surprised in reading this book that my prior understanding to boundaries had been so limited; understanding ‘…mental boundaries [give insight] to the freedom we have to have our own thoughts and opinions. Emotional boundaries help us to deal with our own emotions and disengage from the harmful, manipulative emotions of others. Spiritual boundaries help us to distinguish God's will from our own and give us renewed awe for our Creator’.  

Cloud’s basic framework for understanding and applying boundaries is that they are a personal property line that defines those things for which we are responsible. They are not selfish, but vitally protect us to be able to nurture healthy relationships and balance in life. He eloquently explains God's purpose for setting boundaries, ten laws and myths of boundaries, how to teach children to set boundaries, and how to require responsibility from others. For me personally, this was particularly helpful. I regularly find myself with an attitude that says ‘it’s easier to do this myself’, which results in being overloaded in responsibility. Not only does this attitude impact the self detrimentally, but also disempowers those around us.

Perhaps an air of caution would be that, as Christian psychologists, Cloud and Townsend emphasize scripture heavily throughout the book. Whilst this isn’t incorrect or offensive by any means, there were points where I felt like they try to stretch scripture to fit the boundaries model.

All in all, if you are tend to be a yes-person, a people pleaser, frequently struggle prioritizing, or all of the above, I would recommend reading this book. You may find that minor adjustments for big consequences can be made for a healthier and more sustainable life with yourself, friends, colleagues, and family.

 

Sources of vitality for our soul

If we seek to enable others to discover significance and direction in their lives, it is essential that we have sources of sustenance and vitality for our own souls. How can we function as agents of God’s Spirit in bringing healing and renewal to others unless we are moving towards wholeness for ourselves? It is easy to slip into a mode of working for other people that is driven by our own needs as much as the needs of others – our own loneliness or low self-esteem.

In some churches and charitable organizations the weight of expectations placed on leaders, employees and volunteers is so demanding that it can be difficult to resist. It takes courage to examine our work/life rhythms, to be a non-conformist, or to question those who have established the culture.

So it is important to ask ourselves what liberates us to be who God intends us to be, and to make time for what makes life interesting – time off, time out (and not simply to catch up with household chores). Often this will be in some kind of creativity or playfulness – art, music, poetry, walking, sport, baking – involvement in creation and creativity.

God – creator, redeemer, sustainer - brought us into relational being, and so we shrivel up without meaningful investment in relationships beyond our formal or official roles. God loves us through the love of human beings, so the cultivation of trust and friendships entails the allocation of our diary time. 

Perhaps that is why Psalm 127 begins like this

Unless the Lord builds the house,

     those who build it labor in vain.

Unless the Lord guards the city,

     the guard keeps watch in vain.

It is in vain that you rise up early

     and go late to rest,

eating the bread of anxious toil;

     for he gives sleep to his beloved.

 

It immediately goes on to extol the benefits of having children, for children insist on the importance of relationships. Not everyone has children of their own, of course, and if this is your case, make surrogate children (young or adult); cross the generational divides.

Where would you put yourself on a spectrum between:

Working too much…  Having a good balance between work, rest, other interests and relationships…  Getting by on work through doing the minimum?

What steps will you take to make the shift into a more healthy rhythm to life, if that’s what is needed?

Jeremy Thomson is Vice Principal and Principal Lecturer in Theology at Oasis College of Higher Education.

How can we model a different work-life rhythm?

‘By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day he rested from all his work.’  (Genesis 2:2, NIV)

‘You never put anything in the diary! Ever!!’ is a familiar cry from my wife Sarah, frustrated as yet another important family celebration, dinner party with friends, or much-needed date night needs to be rearranged because I have failed to keep our shared online calendar up-to-date with the changing demands of work.

Finding a work-life balance, or a rhythm of life are really alternative terms for the less exciting but hugely important skill of ‘time management.’ However we spend our working hours, in an office, on a building site, caring for our children or working for a church, managing our time is an essential skill. But I believe effectively applying what we know about time management to our work and our personal lives is much more difficult than we first think. Some of this is due to personality and our own weakness – as illustrated by my apparent inability to record things in our shared diary – but even someone (not me!) who might describe themselves as ‘gifted in time management’ is a work in progress rather than the finished article.

I am a part-time (30 hours per week) youth minister in a relatively large Anglican parish in the town of Keynsham (between Bristol and Bath) and I am also studying part-time for an MA in Leadership and Mission with CYM. My wife Sarah is an Executive in public sector audit for a large accountancy firm - she audits the accounts of local councils, police forces and local NHS bodies. This is a full-time role in a highly pressurised context. We have been married for four years. We are both, by nature, busy people who are passionate about God and serving the local church. This means we often find ourselves involved in several separate activities and meetings and it is not unusual for us to be ‘out’ six evenings each week. We both sing as part of the church choir which commits us to a regular weekly practice and means we attend at least two services each Sunday. And (most of the time) we really do love being busy!

But we also have to ask ourselves difficult questions. Are we simply bowing to the demands of a culture that encourages us to work long, irregular hours, often preceded by a lengthy commute? Are we indirectly endorsing an unspoken requirement for flexibility? Are we contributing to a church community that receives (and so expects) too great a commitment from us?  Should we be more attentive to a rhythm more akin with that of Jesus?

Those of us in ‘ministry’ are encouraged to see our roles as a ‘vocation’ - a divine call to God's service. However, in my experience there are some difficulties with the term vocation relating to the interpretation of the term by other people and those privileged to have discerned a vocation. A divine call to God’s service – and let’s be clear here – this does not have to be exercised in a church context – has deep consequences for those who respond to this sense of call. Our emotions, our faith, our identity, our whole life are entangled within our sense of vocation. But we need to examine carefully our motivation for what we do. Does a ‘vocation’ lead to working out of a sense of guilt? Do we work long hours because others do so? Do we actually mismanage our time because we see everything as work? Do we ignore our own rhythm and adopt to readily the rhythm of others?

As someone who dislikes mornings I have had to learn to manage my time and the tasks of my day carefully and not to feel guilty if my day starts later than others because it frequently finishes later than most! I often do my best thinking and planning between 10pm and 1am and therefore I am unlikely to be in the office at 8am. That’s me and that’s fine. It is a personal rhythm of work and rest that I need to own. Sarah’s personal rhythm is different so we have had to work hard to not only ensure we have space in our busyness to connect but also that we our respecting and responding to each other’s rhythm. This means sometimes I will stay up late to work while at other times we will go to bed at the same time. We also know that our rhythm is going to be interrupted by that pastoral crisis, the weekend conference, the tight-deadline or the unexpected absence of a colleague and we strive to respond graciously and flexibly to this reality.

Jesus modelled a different rhythm of life that goes against that which our culture so strongly endorses. At various times we see him withdraw from the crowds to go and pray alone in a quiet place by the lake, in the hills, in the desert, or in the mountains. Jesus took time away from the busyness, the routine and the attention and invested time in his relationship with the Father through prayer and listening. Jesus prayed and then he served. Jesus found space among the noise of the crowds to rest in quiet, he knew when to move away from the people and when to be patient with those who interrupted him. There was a rhythm to Jesus’ life that equipped and sustained him in his ministry.

As we prepared for our marriage there was no shortage of advice encouraging us to ensure we had sufficient time to invest in our relationship - time for each other. It was interesting to reflect on this recurring theme and some of the images that we used to articulate it. ‘Try to stay in step with each other’ was a common metaphor. Have you ever tried to actually walk in step with someone? Try it sometime. It requires incredible concentration and focus on the other – and the slightest variance makes a significant difference. You have to continually work hard on managing your time and responding to changing circumstances (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8) by focussing on the other person.

The reality of attaining a rhythm of life amidst the demands of work and ministry can feel intimidating. At times it can seem impossible to maintain any sort of balance. But balance is important. For me, the key to effective time management is less about how we actually use our time and more about how we manage expectations, both those we place on ourselves and those we are given by others. You see, when we manage expectations we automatically take responsibility for ourselves and the way others perceive us. In managing our expectations of ourselves we resist the temptation to replace God with ourselves, to nurture an unhealthy sense of self-importance and ultimately set ourselves up for failure. In managing the expectations of others we take control and set our own agenda rather than letting others do so on our behalf, we reduce the likelihood that people will be disappointed with us and we encourage others to recognise our limitations and our shared humanity.

Striving towards a work-life balance, a rhythm of life that works for you, is an ongoing challenge. We are not experts in this but we have learned things that may be of help to others. The experience and ideas of others are very welcome. Here are five thoughts to start a conversation…

1. Find your own rhythm – Do not let others dictate your rhythm and priorities but take time and space to identify and claim a pattern that works for you. Remember the importance of rest and the rhythm Jesus modelled for us. Ensure that your friends and family don’t just feed on crumbs but are able to spend time with you when you are able to offer your fullest self.
2. Understand you will change – There are different times and seasons in our lives. What works when we are younger will change as we get older and as our circumstances change. Embrace the change by realising that it means you need to keep working at ensuring a healthy work-life balance.
3. Communicate and compromise – Remember that if you don’t tell someone you can’t expect them to know! Be clear in your communication and you can navigate changes with less turbulence. If you’re prepared to compromise with others and be held accountable by them you are more likely to attain a healthy balance in your life. Communication also extends to seeking time with Jesus through prayer.
4. Check your motivation – There are seasons of quiet and seasons of busyness but whenever you enter a new season you are offered an opportunity to assess your motivation and to become aware of unhealthy patterns. These seasons occur regularly and are opportune. If you are working from a sense of guilt or to the agenda of another person you will soon become frustrated by the lack of balance in your life, become bitter and lose focus.
5. Find simple ways to maintain rhythm (e.g. use a shared calendar) – If you are married/in a relationship then this will really help the work-life balance. It has really helped us to ensure that, at least as far as our diary is concerned, we are in step with each other. By allowing access and instant updates to our shared diary we can ensure that time together and with our friends and family can be given appropriate time amongst work and other pressures. Do yourself a favour though, don’t be like me; keep it up-to-date!

Dan Crouch is a youth worker in the parish of Keynsham and studying for an MA in Leadership and Mission with CYM.

Transforming Youth Ministry Conference - 10 May 2014

Keynote Speaker:
MARK YACONELLI

Author of: ‘Contemplative Youth Ministry’, ‘Practicing The Presence Of Jesus’ and ‘Wonder, Fear And Longing’

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Working with young people as a volunteer?
Working as an employed youthworker?
Want to start up youthwork in your context?

Then this conference is for you!

All the way from the US we have influential key note speaker and author, Mark Yaconelli, and a whole host of experienced speakers. The day conference will run in the style of ‘TED talks’ so you don’t need to limit your options. You will get to hear everything and then will be resourced to take your thinking further

SATURDAY 10 MAY 2014

10-4.45PM

£15 (incl. lunch)

St Barnabas, Erdington

Talks on:

Pornography

Youthwork in a rural context

Self harm

Schools work

Developing a vision

 Communicating effectively with young people with disabilities

Connecting with other faiths

Mentoring

Thinking theologically

For more info and booking form, click here.

Sophia Network Update - April 2014

We really hope you were challenged and inspired by our Gender in the New Testament series throughout March. The traffic to the Sophia website and Facebook and Twitter posts show that many of you got involved in the discussion. Thank you to all who contributed; it is great to see members of Sophia discussing these important topics.

(You can still access all the reflections on the the five themes - Jesus & and the women he met, Wives & husbands: the issue of submission, Women & teaching: what did Paul mean?, Only the tea-makers? Women in the early church and Is Jesus a Feminist?  - on the Sophia Network website).

In April we go back to our normal format and we have some good articles for you around the theme of leadership.

• Jennie Fytche – writes an article on the importance of listening well especially for leaders

• Wes Sutton – Director of Acorn Christian Healing foundation talks to us about his views on leadership

• Nel Shallow – writes a devotional on vision and leadership

• Karen Beal – writes a book review on Jenny Baker’s new book Equals – well worth a read

• Amy Rotherham – writes a book review on Tom Marshall’s book Understanding Leadership

So enjoy the April update and have a great break at Easter, remembering with us the message of Good Friday and the hope of Easter Sunday.  Let’s celebrate all that Jesus has done for us and the fact that the news of the resurrection was first entrusted to a woman to proclaim. ‘He is Risen, He is risen indeed’.

Happy Easter

Sharon

Sharon Prior

Co-Founder of Sophia Network

(Image courtesy of Katherine Rush).

PS You can sign up to receive our monthly e-news direct to your inbox - just register here and become part of our community.