Sophia Network

Sophia Update - September 2016

Welcome

September? Already? Are you sure? I don’t know how you feel about reaching the start of a new academic year, but if you’re anything like me there will be a sense of disbelief that we’ve already reached the month of September and you’ll be looking back wondering exactly where January to August 2016 went!

It is important to look back, to reflect and learn the lessons from the past, but it is also a time to look forward, to think about new beginnings, to reconnect with friends after the holiday season. This is the first update that I have edited solely after Lizzie Telfer’s departure, it is a new beginning for me and for the network. What new beginnings are you facing in the next few days, weeks and months?

September is the month of our equipping day and AGM (more details below). We are really excited to have Anne Calver joining us and we are looking forward to being challenged and equipped by the thinking Anne will be sharing with us. 

Wherever you find yourself when this update hits your inbox, grab a cuppa (and perhaps even a biscuit) and take some time to engage with the thinking of your fellow network members.

PS – Please see the request for contributions at the end of the update. Sophia is a network that functions at its best when the people who form the network are contributing to the collective and collaborative learning of us all.

Sophia Network Equipping Day 2016

We have an exciting equipping day planned for Saturday 17 September in Birmingham. Minister, author and speaker - Anne Calver - will be joining us to explore the theme - Outnumbered; Learning to Lean In. The event is free (we just ask for a donation to cover a yummy lunch). You can book online here.

Come and be inspired, equipped and encouraged to fulfil your leadership potentially by being authentically you.

 

In a feature that we first published in our last update, but was so good we wanted to share it again after the holiday season, Chine McDonald discusses subconscious patriarchy and leaves us with a few examples of how she challenges the thoughts in her head.





In 'Reflective Leadership Corner' Tami Zacharias introduces us to the idea of 'Values in Leadership' sharing a recent example of how she has engaged with these and leaving us with a pertinent challenge for the start of a new academic year.







Could you contribute? Sophia is a network that functions at its best when the people who form the network are contributing to the collective and collaborative learning of us all.

 

Enjoy!

Dan Crouch - Editor

Sophia Equipping Day and AGM

Want to be inspired?
Want to grow in your leadership skills?

Then join us for the Sophia Network Equipping Day 2016:

 

OUTNUMBERED: LEARNING TO LEAN IN

with 

Anne Calver,

 Minister, Speaker, Author

 

Join us as we explore and discuss:

How do we lead well and bring our whole selves - women, men, introverts, extroverts, younger or older - when it feels like we're the only one of 'us' in the room? 

How do we learn to silence the voices that suggest to us that we are 'less than' those around us? 

Come and be inspired, equipped and encouraged to fulfil your leadership potential by being authentically you.

 

Saturday 17 September (10.30am - 2.30pm)

St Luke's Church, Great Colmore St, Birmingham

A light lunch will be provided and the event is open to members and friends of Sophia Network (male and female). You don't have to be a church leader to attend.

 

In order to book your place (there is no charge for this event, but we ask you to make a donation towards lunch), please register online HERE.

The Sophia Network AGM will take place straight after lunch for 10 minutes.

We look forward to seeing you there.

 

'I left feeling delighted to be gifted as a leader and encouraged to go out and lead to the best of my God given ability. I left feeling excited at what my future might hold...!' - 

feedback from 2015 participant.
 

Join with us on 17 September and be inspired!

 

REGISTER FOR YOUR FREE PLACE HERE.

 

We will be agreeing the annual accounts for 2016, but we do need over 30 members to be quorate. Sending in your proxy vote is a brilliant way of showing your ongoing support for the Sophia Network and helping it to keep functioning. Please download the Proxy Vote form and more info here.

 

Feature

– stories, thoughts and think pieces

 

 

 Patriarchy which hides

Our next prime minister is going to be a woman. In many ways, this is brilliant. Following a male-dominated European Union referendum campaign, it’s refreshing to see Theresa May and Angela Leadsom - politicians who happen to be female - coming up trumps. But sadly, this doesn’t equal the end of patriarchy.

There’s a long way to go yet. We hear it often said that we live in a patriarchal society. We groan when we hear the statistics about women in politics or women’s representation on boards or women in church leadership. We’re stunned when we hear the global statistics about the number of girls that are not receiving an education, or the numbers trafficked around the world, becoming victims of FGM or sexual assault or domestic violence. There are these big, huge figures that are often so hard for us to even begin to comprehend. Feminism, we might think, is tasked with addressing these huge issues and tackling the overarching patriarchy that leads to the heartbreaking figures.

Patriarchy can be defined as a system of society in which men are at an advantage and hold the power – a power which conversely women are excluded from having and are therefore disadvantaged. But patriarchy isn’t just found in the big numbers and the injustices against women that so many of us – both male and female – are outraged by. Patriarchy can manifest itself in sub-conscious, unconscious and hidden ways. And while being champions of feminism, many of us allow this subtle yet dangerous form of patriarchy to creep into our homes, workplaces and churches.

It’s similar to the claims that racism no longer exists in our society. Yes, we no longer have slavery, no signs on the doors of pubs saying “no dogs, no blacks, no Irish”. The KKK isn’t spreading hatred and violence and destruction and a black man is the president of the United States. But for many ethnic minorities, racism manifests itself not in the overt ways, but in subtle prejudices and discrimination. It’s in the adjectives used to describe Serena Williams, or the lack of brown-skinned models on catwalks, or certain Hollywood roles only open to white people.

Examples of unconscious patriarchy in our society can be found everywhere. And once you notice it, you just can’t stop. It’s on our TV screens when female newsreaders are young, pristine-looking and highly made-up, while no one is really bothered about what their male counterparts look like. It’s in the conforming to gendered stereotypes of who should do what in the home – men take out the bins, and women do the cooking and cleaning. It’s in negative gendered vocabulary found in terms such as “fight like a girl”, “stop being such a woman”, “big boys don’t cry”. It’s in language that portrays the female of the species as weaker than the male.

This type of vocabulary takes on a new dimension when you look at the lyrics of worship songs we sing in church, which portray God as being a man, when He is God. While many Christian leaders might in theory be in favour of women in leadership, there are signs across the Church that there is a pervasive, hidden patriarchy that manifests itself in who we allow on platforms, who makes the tea, who bakes for the church lunch.

I personally have a long way to go when it comes to tackling the thought patterns in my head and challenging those I see before me that lend themselves this hidden patriarchy. But here are a few things I often remind myself of:

1) Actively choose not to conform to stereotypes – I never take the notes or make the tea or clear the table when I’m the only woman in a group

2) Limit comments about women’s appearance – Women are more than what they look like. I try to praise people for who they are, not just what they look like. There are times when telling someone they look nice is ok, but I try to be careful not to only comment on women’s appearances.

3) Watch my language – so much of the unconscious patriarchy is found in language. I try not to apologise for things too often, or say things like ‘I’m no expert’ or ‘this may sound silly, but’. Women need to stop perpetuating the idea that we are weak. I’m a work in progress on this one…

4) Find a group of cheerleaders – women or men who you can share things with, bounce things off, who will enable you to feel equipped to challenge things you see

5) Use social media – social media is a great place to dismantle the patriarchy, calling out and challenging behaviours. But we all need to remember that the tone we use is key. Let’s be as kind and compassionate when challenging online as we would be offline.

Photo credit: @rild via VisualHunt / CC BY-NC-ND

 

Chine McDonald is a trustee of the Sophia Network, the Church & Media Network and the Christian Enquiry Agency. She is director of communications at the Evangelical Alliance, and author of ‘Am I Beautiful?’ – a book exploring body image among Christian women. @ChineMcDonald

Reflective Leadership Corner

Exploring leadership through a reflective lens

 

     

Values in Leadership

In my recent reflections on values in leadership, I made a list of what I thought were some of my key values: equality, learning, consistency, developing people, dependability, open communication, organization, and clarity. Although I was quite sure these values were easily observed in my behaviour, I wondered what would happen if I asked my team.

My mentor kindly facilitated an anonymous survey, and I eagerly awaited the results. I was pleased when I read their thoughts on what my values were: equality, communication, respect, learning and development, efficiency, honesty, and organization. My stated values and my actual values were quite consistent. My team ‘caught’ what I believed I valued.

In the hustle and bustle of leadership, it is easy to focus on strategies, tools, and anything else that can be relatively easy to implement for positive change. Although these things can be good and helpful, if we do not dig to the values level, our behaviour will inevitably return to what it was before. Values influence our emotions and behaviour. They influence how we lead. They are at the core of who we are.

Values are both taught and caught. Communicating your stated values (what you believe you value) is important, but it must match with your actual values (what your behaviour shows you value). Assessing the gap, as I did with my team, helps you to identify areas for growth.

Even more important, as I am beginning to realize, is to understand how our values line up with those outlined in the Bible. Equality (Gen. 1:27), honesty (Prov. 11:1), humility (Phil. 2:2-8), generosity (2 Cor. 5:6-7) and obedience to Christ (1 Jn. 2:3-6), among others, are all important to consider in our leadership. Although I am pleased my team caught my values, I need to be more concerned that my values model those presented in Scripture. If ministry, and therefore, leadership, flows out of who we are, then our values are of the utmost importance. Let’s take the time to reflect and consider them, even, and especially if, we’re busy.

Questions for Reflection

• What are your values, especially as they relate to leadership?
• If you were to ask your team what you value, how would it compare with what you believe you value? How will you address any apparent gaps?
• How do your values compare with those outlined in the Bible?
  
  
  

Tami lives in Canada and works for the Christian charity Operation Mobilisation. She recently finished studies in Adult Education, and enjoys conversations about feminism and tea.

*Image taken by Tami Zacharias

Could you contribute?

Could you contribute?

Sophia is a network that functions at its best when the people who form the network are contributing to the collective and collaborative learning of us all.

Have you written, recorded a vlog, created some art or made another contribution that we have used before? Would you be interested in contributing again?

Have you never contributed but would love the opportunity to share what is on your heart and contribute to our collective learning?

We are always on the look out for material and want to encourage the network to be a space where voices that don't always receive a platform can be heard.

If you would be interested in contributing, please email blog.sophianetwork@gmail.com

Dan would be delighted to hear from you.

Sophia Equipping Day and AGM

Want to be inspired?
Want to grow in your leadership skills?

Then join us for the Sophia Network Equipping Day 2016:

 

OUTNUMBERED: LEARNING TO LEAN IN

with 

Anne Calver,

 Minister, Speaker, Author

 

Join us as we explore and discuss:

How do we lead well and bring our whole selves - women, men, introverts, extroverts, younger or older - when it feels like we're the only one of 'us' in the room? 

How do we learn to silence the voices that suggest to us that we are 'less than' those around us? 

Come and be inspired, equipped and encouraged to fulfil your leadership potential by being authentically you.

 

Saturday 17 September (10.30am - 2.30pm)

St Luke's Church, Great Colmore St, Birmingham

A light lunch will be provided and the event is open to members and friends of Sophia Network (male and female).

 

In order to book your place (there is no charge for this event, but we ask you to make a donation towards lunch), please register online HERE.

The Sophia Network AGM will take place straight after lunch for 10 minutes.

We look forward to seeing you there.

 

'I left feeling delighted to be gifted as a leader and encouraged to go out and lead to the best of my God given ability. I left feeling excited at what my future might hold...!' - 

feedback from 2015 participant.
 

Join with us on 17 September and be inspired!

 

REGISTER FOR YOUR FREE PLACE HERE.

 

We will be agreeing the annual accounts for 2016, but we do need over 30 members to be quorate. Sending in your proxy vote is a brilliant way of showing your ongoing support for the Sophia Network and helping it to keep functioning. Please download the Proxy Vote form and more info here.

 

Welcome!

As I write this month’s editorial it is hard not to reflect on what a momentous month June has been in the life of our country. Wherever you placed your cross on 23^rd June in the EU referendum you can be in no doubt today that our country and is in a different, currently more uncertain, place today. We are looking for a new Prime Minister; the England men’s football team is seeking a new manager (while the Welsh have reached the semi-finals of Euro 2016) and Andy Murray is still in Wimbledon (at the time of writing!)

It is not only outside of Sophia that the world is changing. We have recently had to say goodbye to out trustee Steve Holmes as commitments outside of the network mean he is no longer able to devote the time he wants to Sophia. We thank Steve for his contribution to the board of trustees and know that he will continue to champion our work and gender equality in the future. We wish him well.

We are also saying farewell to my co-editor and trustee Lizzie Telfer, who needs to devote more attention to other projects that are beginning to gather momentum, again outside of the network. We are indebted to Lizzie for her work on the Sophia blog, for her vision, commitment and passion. We wish her the very best for the future.

There won’t be a Sophia update in August, but we will be back in September.

In the autumn, the board of trustees will be meeting to pray, think and discern the way forward for the network. Please do join us, wherever you are, in those prayers.

Sophia Network Equipping Day 2016

We do have an exciting equipping day planned for Saturday 17 September in Birmingham. Minister, author and speaker - Anne Calver - will be joining us to explore the theme - Outnumbered; Learning to Lean In. The event is free (we just ask for a donation to cover a yummy lunch). You can book online here.

Come and be inspired, equipped and encouraged to fulfil your leadership potentially by being authentically you.

This month we have two vlogs for you.

 

 

 

 

Chine McDonald discusses subconscious patriarchy and leaves us with a few examples of how she challenges the thoughts in her head.

 

 

 

 

Gemma Foster shares her thoughts on the Gender and the Bible conversation we have been hosting on the blog, adding her thoughts and insight.

Then Sarah Chestnutt shares her thoughts on Alli Worthington's book 'Breaking Busy'. Sarah read this and joined us at the online Book Club we hosted back in May.

 

 

 

Enjoy!

Dan Crouch - Co-editor

Feature

 

 

– stories, thoughts and think pieces

 

 

 Patriarchy which hides

Our next prime minister is going to be a woman. In many ways, this is brilliant. Following a male-dominated European Union referendum campaign, it’s refreshing to see Theresa May and Angela Leadsom - politicians who happen to be female - coming up trumps. But sadly, this doesn’t equal the end of patriarchy.

There’s a long way to go yet. We hear it often said that we live in a patriarchal society. We groan when we hear the statistics about women in politics or women’s representation on boards or women in church leadership. We’re stunned when we hear the global statistics about the number of girls that are not receiving an education, or the numbers trafficked around the world, becoming victims of FGM or sexual assault or domestic violence. There are these big, huge figures that are often so hard for us to even begin to comprehend. Feminism, we might think, is tasked with addressing these huge issues and tackling the overarching patriarchy that leads to the heartbreaking figures.

Patriarchy can be defined as a system of society in which men are at an advantage and hold the power – a power which conversely women are excluded from having and are therefore disadvantaged. But patriarchy isn’t just found in the big numbers and the injustices against women that so many of us – both male and female – are outraged by. Patriarchy can manifest itself in sub-conscious, unconscious and hidden ways. And while being champions of feminism, many of us allow this subtle yet dangerous form of patriarchy to creep into our homes, workplaces and churches.

It’s similar to the claims that racism no longer exists in our society. Yes, we no longer have slavery, no signs on the doors of pubs saying “no dogs, no blacks, no Irish”. The KKK isn’t spreading hatred and violence and destruction and a black man is the president of the United States. But for many ethnic minorities, racism manifests itself not in the overt ways, but in subtle prejudices and discrimination. It’s in the adjectives used to describe Serena Williams, or the lack of brown-skinned models on catwalks, or certain Hollywood roles only open to white people.

Examples of unconscious patriarchy in our society can be found everywhere. And once you notice it, you just can’t stop. It’s on our TV screens when female newsreaders are young, pristine-looking and highly made-up, while no one is really bothered about what their male counterparts look like. It’s in the conforming to gendered stereotypes of who should do what in the home – men take out the bins, and women do the cooking and cleaning. It’s in negative gendered vocabulary found in terms such as “fight like a girl”, “stop being such a woman”, “big boys don’t cry”. It’s in language that portrays the female of the species as weaker than the male.

This type of vocabulary takes on a new dimension when you look at the lyrics of worship songs we sing in church, which portray God as being a man, when He is God. While many Christian leaders might in theory be in favour of women in leadership, there are signs across the Church that there is a pervasive, hidden patriarchy that manifests itself in who we allow on platforms, who makes the tea, who bakes for the church lunch.

I personally have a long way to go when it comes to tackling the thought patterns in my head and challenging those I see before me that lend themselves this hidden patriarchy. But here are a few things I often remind myself of:

1) Actively choose not to conform to stereotypes – I never take the notes or make the tea or clear the table when I’m the only woman in a group

2) Limit comments about women’s appearance – Women are more than what they look like. I try to praise people for who they are, not just what they look like. There are times when telling someone they look nice is ok, but I try to be careful not to only comment on women’s appearances.

3) Watch my language – so much of the unconscious patriarchy is found in language. I try not to apologise for things too often, or say things like ‘I’m no expert’ or ‘this may sound silly, but’. Women need to stop perpetuating the idea that we are weak. I’m a work in progress on this one…

4) Find a group of cheerleaders – women or men who you can share things with, bounce things off, who will enable you to feel equipped to challenge things you see

5) Use social media – social media is a great place to dismantle the patriarchy, calling out and challenging behaviours. But we all need to remember that the tone we use is key. Let’s be as kind and compassionate when challenging online as we would be offline.

Photo credit: @rild via VisualHunt / CC BY-NC-ND

 

 

 

Chine McDonald is a trustee of the Sophia Network, the Church & Media Network and the Christian Enquiry Agency. She is director of communications at the Evangelical Alliance, and author of ‘Am I Beautiful?’ – a book exploring body image among Christian women. @ChineMcDonald

Vlog - Breaking Busy

– the place to come when you don’t want to read

You may remember our book club from back in May. Sarah Chestnutt has shared her thoughts on what she learned from Alli Worthington's 'Breaking Busy'

 

 

Sarah Chestnutt is a Trainee Educational Psychologist who works with children, young people, schools and families. Sarah grew up in Northern Ireland and has since lived in different places across the UK; she currently is blessed to call Exeter her home and enjoys the Devon countryside and stunning beaches. Sarah loves travel, people, coffee, cake and baking, especially for others. She has a heart for making people smile and promoting equality and opportunities in education for all.

Vlog - Gender and the Bible

– the place to come when you don’t want to read

This month, Gemma Foster offers a response to the ongoing conversation on Gender and the Bible, sharing a brilliant exploration of context and encouraging our honest engagement with the scripture.


https://vimeo.com/172883563

Untitled from Gemma Foster on Vimeo.

 

Welcome!

Glad that you can join us and catch up on what the Network is sharing. It is with great pleasure, to introduce three articles, this June that are evidence in themselves that women are leading powerfully and with impact!

Grab a break and join us with celebrating Gender Equality in action, as you experience the wisdom, stories and leadership of Tami Zacharias, Rachel Gardner and Hannah Fytche.

---

Reflective Leadership Corner

Exploring leadership through a reflective lens

 

Tami shares her experience of Wrestling with Identity and Security in Leadership and from a Biblical perspective, leaves the Network with three questions to reflect on their leadership.

 

 

 

 

 

Hang-out

Interviews, biographies on past and present leaders

 

 

We chatted to Rachel Gardner, about equality in the face of motherhood and why in her mind, it is important to empower the next generation of girls in the UK church.

 

 

 

 

 

Inventive 

Comments and stories in creative form

 

 

Hannah Fytche tells her story about writing her first published book, exploring God's grace and identity. We celebrate Hannah's achievement!

    

 

Hang-out

Interviews, biographies on past and present leaders

 

 

1. What are you up to at the moment?

Right now I’ve got unwashed hair, my feet are up & I’m eating a Twirl bar! In terms of work, I’ve recently taken on the exciting role of being Relationship Lead at Youthscape (a National Youth Charity based in Luton). Romance Academy is one of Youthscape’s national projects and it’s exciting to work with such a great team of youth workers and activists to change the world for young people.

Someone once told me to pay attention to my burden - the thing that was breaking my heart. Well, the mis-information in youth culture that leads to poor decision making; the coercion that leads to damage; the sexual anxiety that leads to silence; I see all this in the young people I work with and it breaks my heart. I’m incredibly grateful for the chance to do something about it - and although we have so much more to do, it takes my breath away that in partnership with youth leaders, parents, the stuff we produce has the potential to change the outcomes for young people.

I also love being involved in the Girls Brigade and Home For Good, the christian adoption and fostering charity. We’ve recently seen an overwhelming response from people in the UK to offer their lives and homes to care for refugee children who don’t have families to protect them. It’s humbling to witness the response of God’s people when they hear of the critical needs of the most vulnerable people in our country and world.

 

2. What are the key lessons or questions about motherhood that are living with you presently?

If I’m being really honest (and I am because I’ve got unwashed hair, feet up & am eating a Twirl bar!) then I’d have to say that most days I battle with anxiety about whether I’m doing enough to invest in my family and all the other projects/missions I’m so passionate about. A while ago I moaned to Danielle Stickland how impossible it is to find balance in life. Danielle, being the wise woman she is, retorted that there is no point in chasing balance. Instead, we should find the rhythm that makes life work for ourselves and those we do life with. Everyone needs to have the space to flourish, and if my mad schedule is stopping my husband and daughter from living full and free lives, then I need to be brave enough to sacrifice my schedule. This is the lesson I’m facing although I’m not always very good at learning from it!

We adopted our little girl a couple of years ago and learning to be the mum she needs me to be has been extraordinarily precious as well as at times quite challenging. But the truth of my adoption into God’s family has taken on a new depth of meaning. God wants me to be his. I can’t always get my head around this! He wants you. Not because he’s empty and needs you to make him feel OK, but because his love is so beautlful and complete that he wants you to be fully immersed in it. My friend sent me this passage from 'Love's Endeavour, Love's Expense' by W.H. Vanstone...

‘God's love for his creation is not the love that is born of 'emptiness'...It is the love which overflows from fullness. Its analogue is the love of a family who, united in mutual love, take a child into the home. They do so not of need but in the pure spontaneity of their own triumphant love. Nevertheless, in the weeks that follow, the family, once complete in itself, comes to need the newcomer. Without him the circle is now incomplete: his absence now causes anxiety: his waywardness brings concern: his goodness and happiness are necessary to those who have come to love him: upon his response depends the triumph or the tragedy of the family's love. In spontaneous love, the family has surrendered its own fulfilment and placed it precariously, in the child’s hands. Love has surrendered it's triumphant self-sufficiency and created its own need.’

 

3. How do Jason and yourself work as a team to navigate parenthood?

Before we became parents we had lots of ‘what if...’ chats to air our expectations of being a mum and dad. Seeing ourselves as a team is really important to us; there are seasons when I’m home with our daughter more and then seasons when Jason is. When I began to pick up more work I was terrified that our daughter would be deeply unsettled by it but I found that time with Jason allowed their bond to grow strong, which is so amazing to watch!

We also love being a family that celebrates what each other does, and this includes the ways we all work and play. At breakfast we’ll often talk about the work we’ll all be doing that day which includes colouring, building that lego tower and checking in on our elderly neighbours. This is one way we try to get ourselves out of the thinking that work is only something we do away from our daughter. Work, rest and play are all really important aspects of our family life. And we want to find ways to do all three together, as well as with others or alone!

We’re incredibly fortunate that as we both work strange hours, we can eat together most evenings as a family. So even though we have full schedules, we try to make sure that our weekly family day (on a thursday) is protected and we take our daughter with us as much as we can so she feels a part of the callings we’re pursuing.

 

4. You’re involved with GB and #hopeforgirls. Why is it so important to empower the next generation of girls?

I love how my brilliant friend and Participation & Advocacy Co-ordinator for GB, Dr Claire Rush, captures the reality of being born female in the 21st century;

‘I’m more likely to not be able to read and write because I’m a girl. I’m more likely to have tears of sorrow (not tears of joy) on my wedding day because I’m a girl. I’m more likely not to have a choice about where and when my first sexual experience happens because I’m a girl. I’m more likely to be missing from the face of the earth because I’m a girl.’

We just cannot mention enough the mis-information of the self that happens to girls in our culture. They look to role models in pop and celebrity culture to see what kind of girl they need to be accepted by their peers - and they find dangerously messed up messages that conflate strength with sexual promiscuity, self-worth with guys sexting you or helplessness with femininity. These message around how they should look, sound, act and feel can make them distrust and dislike themselves. The church needs to speak with credibility and clarity into this space so that girls know that they are packed with a uniqueness and purpose that they can explore and create a meaningful life with. We raise the volume of hope for girls when we name the lies for what they are and empower them to imagine a different life for themselves.

 

5. Does equality culture put pressure on men and women to get it right in terms of managing the home/parenthood and having it all? How could we think differently.

I don’t think creating a culture of equality necessarily adds to the pressure to get it right, but it does give us the chance to get it wrong and work out what might work!

I’ve yet to meet a woman exploring equality in managing home/parenting with her spouse, who’s motivated by the idea of ‘having it all’. When I became a parent I quickly discovered that for all the incredible gains, there are also profound losses. I have always longed to be a parent but it would also be fair to say that I found it hard to absorb this new identity into my pretty fixed idea of who I had been up until that point.

I love the language of ‘gift’. It can sound a little bit smug if we use it wrongly, but seeing each season of our lives as a gift from God can change the way we live. I’m less motivated by having it all, and more motivated by giving it my all - all of it; parenthood, marriage, youth work, writing, speaking, advocating, playing.

 

6. Pick a Bible story which encourages you about your leadership as a woman.

Listen to these words uttered by Paul a couple of thousand years ago...

‘Our work as God’s servants gets validated—or not—in the details. People are watching us as we stay at our post, alertly, unswervingly . . . in hard times, tough times, bad times; when we’re beaten up, jailed, and mobbed; working hard, working late, working without eating; with pure heart, clear head, steady hand; in gentleness, holiness, and honest love; when we’re telling the truth, and when God’s showing his power; when we’re doing our best setting things right; when we’re praised, and when we’re blamed; slandered, and honored; true to our word, though distrusted; ignored by the world, but recognized by God; terrifically alive, though rumored to be dead; beaten within an inch of our lives, but refusing to die; immersed in tears, yet always filled with deep joy; living on handouts, yet enriching many; having nothing, having it all.’

(2 Corinthians 6 MSG) It’s amazing isn’t it?

Leadership is about seeing a different future and taking people there. For Paul it’s being wholeheartedly bought into God’s future for a different future and a different present. He’s

so caught up in God’s vision that it becomes the very thing that resources him and makes him resilient in the struggle.

This is what inspires me.

Inventive

     Comments and stories in creative form

 

 

God’s Daughters: The Story and Hope

Once, I was asked this question:

"If you had a blank page in front of you and could write to anyone about anything, what would you write about?"

Think about that for yourself for a moment.

It’s an incredible question isn’t it? It’s a question full of possibilities, potentialities, adventures. It gives you space to think about what you want to communicate to people, what ideas or discoveries or thoughts reside inside of you that you want to give voice to.

When Sharon Prior put me in touch with the Bible Reading Fellowship (BRF: www.brf.org.uk) to discuss a potential writing project, I had this question to consider. It was exciting and kind of scary, too – a seventeen year old writing a book?! I had never even considered writing anything of that length before: blog posts for Rhythms (www.rhythms.org) were what I had been regularly writing, up until that point.

But when confronted with the opportunity to write a book for young people about God, I got really excited. That blank page was an opportunity for me to communicate to other young people the love and grace of God for each one of us, a love and grace whose transformation I had powerfully seen in my own life and in the lives of others.

From these initial thoughts and conversations with BRF, the idea for writing God’s Daughters arose. God’s Daughters is a book aimed at young girls and women (although the message applies to all of us) about the pressures we face to be ‘good enough’ – whether that is in the experience of family, friends, school, image, church or even in our personal relationships with God. We have all experienced moments where we believe that we need to just try harder in order to be loved and accepted...and we have all experienced moments when this hasn’t quite worked out the way we planned.

In the book, I tackle each of these issues by using stories from life and from the Bible to uncover the words God speaks into each of these areas of pressure. I hope that through my words people will be encouraged to draw close to God and experience the freedom from the pressures of the world that he offers – a freedom means we don’t have to earn or fight for God’s affection.

Where the world promotes a gospel of earning acceptance, love and approval, I want to show you that God offers a Gospel of grace, where acceptance and love are gifts which he delights to give us, gifts that bring freedom and peace.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hannah is enjoying student life in Cambridge and all that that entails: church and CU events, times with friends, theatre trips...and maybe a few essays as well! She loves strawberries, meals with people, and writing, and is passionate about using writing to help people discover the firm foundation of God’s grace for themselves.

Reflective Leadership Corner

Exploring leadership through a reflective lens

 

     

Wrestling with Identity and Security in Leadership

Am I really a leader? And if I am, do I want to be? These questions have been on my mind for the past few months, well, actually years if I’m honest. Even though I have consistently found myself in various leadership positions, and others have affirmed it in me, I still doubt if I am who it seems I am. Have you ever had similar feelings? We may not like to admit it, but we are not as alone as we may think we are. Many leaders in the Bible also struggled with these questions, particularly ones like Moses and Gideon.

When God spoke to Moses out of a perpetually burning bush, and called him to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. Moses was quick to respond, “Who am I?” (Ex. 3:11). Moses had taken stock of who he was, and by his calculations, he was not the most knowledgeable or skilled choice, so God should choose someone else to lead.

God came to Gideon through the angel of the Lord, giving him the task of delivering the Israelites from the Midianites. Gideon, like Moses, says, “How can I…? My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family” (Jdg. 6:15). Gideon’s self-assessment left him unequal to the task of leadership.

Both Moses and Gideon did not see themselves as leaders, and tried to get out of God’s call to leadership.

But how did God respond? “I AM” (Ex. 3:14) and “I will be with you” (Jdg. 6:16). Moses and Gideon had gotten it wrong. It wasn’t about who they were, what they knew, or where they came from. It was about who God was, and accepting God’s call on their lives as leaders.

Although I have a long way to go, and I anticipate it will be a lifelong struggle, I think I am finally starting to see myself as a leader. As I learn and develop, my eyes are opened to aspects of leadership I perform intuitively. I see fruit (Jn. 15) and I receive affirmation from others. As much as I still sometimes want to say to God, “Please send someone else,” as Moses did (Ex. 4:13), I also know that it is my responsibility to develop and use my gifts to build up the church (Eph. 4:11-13). I didn’t choose this calling, but I see it on my life.

I am realizing that if my confidence and identity as a leader come only from my own knowledge, abilities, and skills, I will always be on shaky ground. I will rely on myself, and experience feelings of inadequacy and insecurity, leading to fear and an attempt to control. I must continue to look to the God who has called and appointed me for my security. I can trust God to be with me and to equip me as a leader, just as God promised Moses and Gideon. Are you with me?

Questions for Reflection

• How do you relate to leaders like Moses and Gideon?
• Where do you find your security and identity as a leader?
• Why not spend a moment in prayer and hear what God is saying to you in your leadership?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tami lives in Canada and works for the Christian charity Operation Mobilisation. She recently finished studies in Adult Education, and enjoys conversations about feminism and tea.

*Image taken by Tami Zacharias

Sophia Update - May

‘They all met together and were constantly united in prayer, along with Mary the mother of Jesus, several other women, and the brothers of Jesus.’ (Acts 1:14, NLT).

I read these words recently and I was struck by two elements in this one verse. The statement that the early Christian community were constantly united in prayer led me to wonder how much more united we might be if we placed prayer more intentionally at the heart of our communities? How much more effectively we might be equipped for leadership?

I was also struck that this verse mentions Mary the mother of Jesus and 'several other women' - it is yet another reminder from the scriptures of the central role of women in the early community of Christ's followers. The work of Sophia wishes to stand on the shoulders of those women who have gone before us in the faith, including those 'several other women' involved in the first gathering of Christian believers.

Now, I don’t know about you, but for me April has flown by and I can’t quite get my head around the fact that we've reached May already! May is an exciting month for Sophia as we hold our first online BookClub (details below). We are continually trying to explore and consider new and fresh ways of equipping the network and this is a new venture that we are excited about. Please do consider getting involved, and when you have done, we openly welcome your feedback.

The Sophia update is something that we want to ensure is relevant to you with content driven by the network so please do feel free to offer us some feedback by comment on the site, mentioning us on social media or by emailing the blog editors at blog.sophianetwork@gmail.com.

So please do grab a beverage of your choice and treat yourself to what the network has to offer this month...


 

Dan Crouch – Co-editor and Trustee.

 

Sophia BookClub

What is Bookclub
Bookclub is a new Sophia Network event, creating space for us as a network to reflect together over new books that provoke thought about gender equality and inspire us to grow and be empowered as leaders.

The Details
Join us on Wednesday 11th May, 7pm-8pm, for our first ever Sophia Bookclub!

Register by following this link 

https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/sophia-bookclub-registration-23459439816

Dr Claire Rush will facilitate the discussion and you will have chance to submit questions prior to the Hangout.

The Book for the first Bookclub is Breaking Busy by Alli Worthington http://breakingbusy.com/

Steps:
1. Sign up here, to be a part of the online discussion, over Google Hangouts On Air
2. Grab a copy of Breaking Busy and read before 11th May http://breakingbusy.com/
3. We will send you details of how to log into the Hangout, a few days before the live event.

 

Here's what you had to say this month!

 

Feature

– stories, thoughts and think pieces

 

M.D. Wing (pseudonym) offers some thoughts on the up-coming EU vote in 'Brexit: Leave or Remain' that might help you as you think about how you might vote next month. 

 

 

 

Practical Leadership

– tools to equip you in your leadership 

 

We asked Jill Garrett to share her top five tips on leadership in the workplace.
What do you think of Jill's tips? 

 



From the Archive

- Up-voted content from the Sophia Archives

The Sophia update has now got a wealth of articles and news, so every two months, we decided to ask one member to peruse the shelves and pull out an article that stood out to them. This month, co-editor and Trustee Dan Crouch pulled out Martin Hardwidge's 'Pastors have husbands too.' Take a look yourself and find out why Dan picked this one.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Feature

– stories, thoughts and think pieces

Brexit Reflection: Leave or Remain?

As I looked at the FT poll of polls for the EU referendum on 3/4/16 I started to reflect on the surprise I feel that it is such a close thing.* Both the Leave and Remain campaigners are producing alarming news. Apart from working through the views of both sides I find myself firmly on the Remain side. So I started thinking about what effect being in the European Union had on my life as a woman, particularly in my working life.

I voted in the 1975 referendum, yes I am that old. I voted yes, partly because of the experiences in my short working life from September 1974 to a sudden change in January 1975.

I had started working for a multi national company after A-levels as a management trainee. I was paid less than my two male colleagues who had also started at the same time. No one questioned it as it was normal for females to be paid less.

The training was the same but at a given point men would go into the commercial side and women into the personnel side of the business. There was no choice, for the men as well as the women, the final job destinations were laid in stone.

Apart from a pay and the final function differential there was a straw that broke the camel's back for me. It was the annual regional party.

You see I was 19 and my job title was a "Junior Management Trainee." I was also female. My two male colleagues were a similar age and also Junior Management Trainees. However they were male. They got invitations.

So what was so special about it? Well this was a dinner, in a pretty swish place, with dancing afterwards. People really dressed up and it was a regional affair. I assumed I was going and was informed, when I queried the lack of an invitation, that female Junior trainees were never invited. I muttered in the discussion with managers that it was pretty surprising particularly as we were about to go into 1975. I heard myself say as I walked away, "women's lib year."

I started asking myself questions about the fact that I earned less than my male colleagues, and why the commercial route was closed to me. Neither of them wanted to go into personnel anyway but the fact that this was a closed route to them, as the commercial route was to me, did not actually occur to me.

By the end of January 1975 I found a quite large hike in my monthly pay. I thought they had made a mistake so I queried it. The Manager dept told me it was as a result of changes to UK law relating to Sex Discrimination. In addition I had an invitation to the annual party. Later in that year all management trainees could select to opt for either the commercial route, or personnel, at a given point in their training. I didn't complete the training, deciding to leave and go to University a year after starting.

So what has all this to do with Europe? Well UK law was influenced by European directives such as the:

* Equal Pay Directive 1975 (75/117) and the Equal Treatment Directive 1976, (amended by 2002/73); The principle of equal pay appears in the Treaty of Rome which the UK signed in 1972 (article 41);

* Article 13 of the Treaty of Amsterdam, which came during 1999, to fight discrimination on the basis of race or ethnic origin, sex or pregnancy, sexual orientation, religion or belief, disability and age;

More recently the 2010 Equality Act has the same goals as the four main Equal Treatment Directives of the EU.

Sounding like a lawyer? Well yes, afraid so. Employment discrimination law is still something I am dealing with for clients and am very aware of the flow of cases from the European Court of Justice and the seven equality directives that were brought in by 2008.

Reflecting on a UK without EU membership?

*leave 42%, stay 45%

 

M.D.Wigg (pseudonym) works for a national charity. 

Practical Leadership

- Practical Leadership Tools

Top tips for growing as a work place leader.

1. Work on humility. To be humble means to have a realistic view of who you are, of your strengths and weaknesses, of your place in God’s creation and of the ongoing struggle you have with your own pride, selfishness and ambition. Humility underpins interdependence, team work, valuing the contribution of others, our ability to learn, healthy self-esteem, sharing, friendship and service.

2. Focus on growing your maturity: maturity is not dictated by age, but is a road we travel. A mature leader has a clear sense of purpose ad values and will not waver from these. They understand what life success means for them and have clear criteria by which they can judge their actions. Thus they are confident to make decisions without overly relying on the reactions of others, their behaviours are consistent and their followers see and sense their integrity.

3. Seek wisdom; wise leaders recognise that there is much they don’t know and will never know. They have learned (often through the mistakes they have made), that they can build confidence through experience rather than through knowledge or reasoning and a wise leader knows how to behave when perfect knowledge is lacking. This gives followers security and confidence.

4. I've often been asked to coach leaders who have climbed a ladder very quickly only to find it was up against the wrong wall! To find real fulfilment, work place leaders need a sense of vocation. They are clear about their strengths and gifting and understand that life satisfaction depends not just on doing something you enjoy, are good at and passionate about, but it also depends on using these gifts in the service of others. The key question is, “How can I best fulfil the needs of others by doing something I am good at and that energises me?”

5. Daniel Colman attributes over 90% of the effectiveness of the most senior leaders to their Emotional Intelligence, (or EQ). EQ describes self-awareness, awareness of others and the ability to manage ourselves so that we have a mutually positive impact. All of the attributes I have focused on, humility, maturity, wisdom and vocation are manifestations of Emotional Intelligence. Those with the highest levels of Emotional Intelligence are better self and others aware and have arrived at a point where they are usually able to manage themselves so that they can interact in ways that have a positive outcome. Perhaps the main focus to grow as a leader is to recognise that we do have to manage ourselves, that we are flawed and that’s OK. The best leaders know that life will be a constant self-management battle, that they will fail and must rise and to learn to grow and battle some more. As leaders we have to recognise that we are part of a fallen work place world but that through Christ we are redeemed and our lives and leadership are rooted in this.

Download 5 TIPS FOR GROWING AS A LEADER AT WORK

Jill Garrett has spent over 20 years an Executive Coach and Organisational Development Consultant who works with Senior Workplace Leaders and their teams.

From the Archive

 - Up-voted content from the Sophia Archives

 

                    

Dan Crouch is a youth worker in Keynsham, a trustee of Sophia and co-editor of this update.

 

 

 

This article from trustee Martin Hardwidge struck me because as he shared his experience of being the husband of an ordained minister in 'Pastors have Husbands too' I was reminded of our role in challenging the gender based assumptions that impact men and women. 

JULY 07 2015  Pastor's Have Husbands Too...

I read Judy’s recent review of The Pastor’s Wife, initially with interest and then with a familiar and growing sense of despair. Really, are we still publishing books with titles like this, which effectively exclude me on the basis of my sex? It’s reminiscent of the days when some ministerial training colleges ran flower-arranging courses for ministerial spouses – assuming them to be female and interested in flower-arranging!

I’ve been married for 41 years and ‘married to the ministry’ for twenty-two of them and I strongly identify with the issues Judy summarises in her concluding bullet points. There is at least a book and probably a conference or two in unpacking any one of them. I have few illusions about my own perfection or that of the church wherever it is embodied.

My own experience of the last two decades has been littered with ridiculous instances of casual sexism from within the church. During the very first pre-training discussion with an area minister we were advised that looking for a full-time sole pastorate was ill-advised for a woman as it would impact the number of posts available for young men with families. We were visited by very earnest young men who, uninvited, wanted to convince us that a woman being called to ministry was not only heretical but simply impossible. We received hate emails – why do people always type in capitals when they are shouting? A deacon explained to my children, at the school gate, how misled their mother was in training for ministry. On hearing about our current ministry setting, one lady commented, whilst dutifully pouring the tea at a Baptist gathering, “My dear, I understand they’ve got a woman.”

As someone involved in the training of those exploring their future ministry, I am regularly asked, how submission works in our relationship. It doesn’t, we don’t do submission and no minor scriptural reference out of time and context is going to convince me that this word has any place in marriage, Christian or otherwise.  When applied to either partner it is divisive, demeaning and potentially abusive, all things which have no place in a loving relationship.

Does being a Pastor’s ‘wife’ change your life? - yes of course it does! I appreciate that not all will agree but for me ministry, like marriage, is a plural activity. It is something we have to work through together. As Judy suggests, I was ill-prepared for the levels of criticism I would encounter and I have struggled to know how and when to appropriately support and sometimes protect and defend my partner in the face of it. The classic “some people in the church are saying” which imparts information but leaves you powerless to do anything about it. The assumption that I have never read the letters to Timothy and other texts on which some Christians have wished to impale us. I have become careful about what I say, concerned that when I speak about my own experience of faith and life some will assume that I am necessarily speaking with her voice.

As far as work life balance is concerned, as a man, I haven’t had to cope with the crass two for the price of one assumption some churches make around coffee rotas and children’s work, nor has my employment ever been raised as an issue. Nonetheless, as Judy points out, there is a constant juggling act we both engage in as we try, with varying degrees of success, to balance work, church and personal lives. Occasionally I have discussed some of these issues with my now adult children and with friends who are not of a Christian persuasion and have met with blank expressions and incredulity that this sort of thing happens anywhere let alone in the church. Their usual advice is to go and find something less stressful to do with my life.

Perhaps this is personal to me, but I have found living in what is essentially tied accommodation leaves me feeling dislocated and lonely. The experience of being, for a number of years, in a Manse very close to the church building did have an aspect of the Orwellian ‘big brother’ about it. Over the years we’ve cried - a lot, nearly thrown in the towel, been bullied, ignored, denounced, patronised and both needed counselling and that’s just from working with the Christians.

In the light of this can we honestly say it has been worth it? Massively, yes. We’ve also laughed a lot, with others and at ourselves. We have shared food, wine and hospitality with adults and young people who were once described to me, by a church member, as the “scum of the earth”. We have come to love and respect deeply those who have the insight to travel alongside us. We have learned, well started to learn, how to be resilient without becoming thick-skinned. We now know that the expectations of fellow Christians and the expectations of God are not the same thing. Not even close. We have seen many and been hugely privileged to have a hand in a few of what Bruce Cockburn names ‘rumours of glory’. Perhaps more than anything else that we have learned, is that keeping our integrity about who we are and what we are both called to do is absolutely crucial to our survival and flourishing.

The church we are presently part of, who incidentally have restored our faith in the idea of church which had been seriously damaged, says this: “We have discovered that Christianity is not about rules and regulations but it is about a dynamic relationship with the living God.” So, I would modify Judy’s last bullet point. Any dynamic relationship must include growth and growth of any kind, whether physical, emotional or spiritual, requires friction. That means that without doubts, questioning and the difficulties that prompt them growth cannot happen. Learning to live in, rather than with, this tension remains, for me, the great joy of life and ministry.

Martin Hardwidge heads up the Faculty of Applied Social Studies at Oasis College of Higher Education in London. He is a Baptist Youth Specialist and before he joined Oasis in 2004 he spent 25 years working for various voluntary organisations with and on behalf of the homeless, recovering addicts and alcoholics, young offenders and youth workers. 

 

I read Judy’s recent review of The Pastor’s Wife, initially with interest and then with a familiar and growing sense of despair. Really, are we still publishing books with titles like this, which effectively exclude me on the basis of my sex? It’s reminiscent of the days when some ministerial training colleges ran flower-arranging courses for ministerial spouses – assuming them to be female and interested in flower-arranging!

I’ve been married for 41 years and ‘married to the ministry’ for twenty-two of them and I strongly identify with the issues Judy summarises in her concluding bullet points. There is at least a book and probably a conference or two in unpacking any one of them. I have few illusions about my own perfection or that of the church wherever it is embodied.

My own experience of the last two decades has been littered with ridiculous instances of casual sexism from within the church. During the very first pre-training discussion with an area minister we were advised that looking for a full-time sole pastorate was ill-advised for a woman as it would impact the number of posts available for young men with families. We were visited by very earnest young men who, uninvited, wanted to convince us that a woman being called to ministry was not only heretical but simply impossible. We received hate emails – why do people always type in capitals when they are shouting? A deacon explained to my children, at the school gate, how misled their mother was in training for ministry. On hearing about our current ministry setting, one lady commented, whilst dutifully pouring the tea at a Baptist gathering, “My dear, I understand they’ve got a woman.”

As someone involved in the training of those exploring their future ministry, I am regularly asked, how submission works in our relationship. It doesn’t, we don’t do submission and no minor scriptural reference out of time and context is going to convince me that this word has any place in marriage, Christian or otherwise.  When applied to either partner it is divisive, demeaning and potentially abusive, all things which have no place in a loving relationship.

Does being a Pastor’s ‘wife’ change your life? - yes of course it does! I appreciate that not all will agree but for me ministry, like marriage, is a plural activity. It is something we have to work through together. As Judy suggests, I was ill-prepared for the levels of criticism I would encounter and I have struggled to know how and when to appropriately support and sometimes protect and defend my partner in the face of it. The classic “some people in the church are saying” which imparts information but leaves you powerless to do anything about it. The assumption that I have never read the letters to Timothy and other texts on which some Christians have wished to impale us. I have become careful about what I say, concerned that when I speak about my own experience of faith and life some will assume that I am necessarily speaking with her voice.

As far as work life balance is concerned, as a man, I haven’t had to cope with the crass two for the price of one assumption some churches make around coffee rotas and children’s work, nor has my employment ever been raised as an issue. Nonetheless, as Judy points out, there is a constant juggling act we both engage in as we try, with varying degrees of success, to balance work, church and personal lives. Occasionally I have discussed some of these issues with my now adult children and with friends who are not of a Christian persuasion and have met with blank expressions and incredulity that this sort of thing happens anywhere let alone in the church. Their usual advice is to go and find something less stressful to do with my life.

Perhaps this is personal to me, but I have found living in what is essentially tied accommodation leaves me feeling dislocated and lonely. The experience of being, for a number of years, in a Manse very close to the church building did have an aspect of the Orwellian ‘big brother’ about it. Over the years we’ve cried - a lot, nearly thrown in the towel, been bullied, ignored, denounced, patronised and both needed counselling and that’s just from working with the Christians.

In the light of this can we honestly say it has been worth it? Massively, yes. We’ve also laughed a lot, with others and at ourselves. We have shared food, wine and hospitality with adults and young people who were once described to me, by a church member, as the “scum of the earth”. We have come to love and respect deeply those who have the insight to travel alongside us. We have learned, well started to learn, how to be resilient without becoming thick-skinned. We now know that the expectations of fellow Christians and the expectations of God are not the same thing. Not even close. We have seen many and been hugely privileged to have a hand in a few of what Bruce Cockburn names ‘rumours of glory’. Perhaps more than anything else that we have learned, is that keeping our integrity about who we are and what we are both called to do is absolutely crucial to our survival and flourishing.

The church we are presently part of, who incidentally have restored our faith in the idea of church which had been seriously damaged, says this: “We have discovered that Christianity is not about rules and regulations but it is about a dynamic relationship with the living God.” So, I would modify Judy’s last bullet point. Any dynamic relationship must include growth and growth of any kind, whether physical, emotional or spiritual, requires friction. That means that without doubts, questioning and the difficulties that prompt them growth cannot happen. Learning to live in, rather than with, this tension remains, for me, the great joy of life and ministry.

I read Judy’s recent review of The Pastor’s Wife, initially with interest and then with a familiar and growing sense of despair. Really, are we still publishing books with titles like this, which effectively exclude me on the basis of my sex? It’s reminiscent of the days when some ministerial training colleges ran flower-arranging courses for ministerial spouses – assuming them to be female and interested in flower-arranging!

I’ve been married for 41 years and ‘married to the ministry’ for twenty-two of them and I strongly identify with the issues Judy summarises in her concluding bullet points. There is at least a book and probably a conference or two in unpacking any one of them. I have few illusions about my own perfection or that of the church wherever it is embodied.

My own experience of the last two decades has been littered with ridiculous instances of casual sexism from within the church. During the very first pre-training discussion with an area minister we were advised that looking for a full-time sole pastorate was ill-advised for a woman as it would impact the number of posts available for young men with families. We were visited by very earnest young men who, uninvited, wanted to convince us that a woman being called to ministry was not only heretical but simply impossible. We received hate emails – why do people always type in capitals when they are shouting? A deacon explained to my children, at the school gate, how misled their mother was in training for ministry. On hearing about our current ministry setting, one lady commented, whilst dutifully pouring the tea at a Baptist gathering, “My dear, I understand they’ve got a woman.”

As someone involved in the training of those exploring their future ministry, I am regularly asked, how submission works in our relationship. It doesn’t, we don’t do submission and no minor scriptural reference out of time and context is going to convince me that this word has any place in marriage, Christian or otherwise.  When applied to either partner it is divisive, demeaning and potentially abusive, all things which have no place in a loving relationship.

Does being a Pastor’s ‘wife’ change your life? - yes of course it does! I appreciate that not all will agree but for me ministry, like marriage, is a plural activity. It is something we have to work through together. As Judy suggests, I was ill-prepared for the levels of criticism I would encounter and I have struggled to know how and when to appropriately support and sometimes protect and defend my partner in the face of it. The classic “some people in the church are saying” which imparts information but leaves you powerless to do anything about it. The assumption that I have never read the letters to Timothy and other texts on which some Christians have wished to impale us. I have become careful about what I say, concerned that when I speak about my own experience of faith and life some will assume that I am necessarily speaking with her voice.

As far as work life balance is concerned, as a man, I haven’t had to cope with the crass two for the price of one assumption some churches make around coffee rotas and children’s work, nor has my employment ever been raised as an issue. Nonetheless, as Judy points out, there is a constant juggling act we both engage in as we try, with varying degrees of success, to balance work, church and personal lives. Occasionally I have discussed some of these issues with my now adult children and with friends who are not of a Christian persuasion and have met with blank expressions and incredulity that this sort of thing happens anywhere let alone in the church. Their usual advice is to go and find something less stressful to do with my life.

Perhaps this is personal to me, but I have found living in what is essentially tied accommodation leaves me feeling dislocated and lonely. The experience of being, for a number of years, in a Manse very close to the church building did have an aspect of the Orwellian ‘big brother’ about it. Over the years we’ve cried - a lot, nearly thrown in the towel, been bullied, ignored, denounced, patronised and both needed counselling and that’s just from working with the Christians.

In the light of this can we honestly say it has been worth it? Massively, yes. We’ve also laughed a lot, with others and at ourselves. We have shared food, wine and hospitality with adults and young people who were once described to me, by a church member, as the “scum of the earth”. We have come to love and respect deeply those who have the insight to travel alongside us. We have learned, well started to learn, how to be resilient without becoming thick-skinned. We now know that the expectations of fellow Christians and the expectations of God are not the same thing. Not even close. We have seen many and been hugely privileged to have a hand in a few of what Bruce Cockburn names ‘rumours of glory’. Perhaps more than anything else that we have learned, is that keeping our integrity about who we are and what we are both called to do is absolutely crucial to our survival and flourishing.

The church we are presently part of, who incidentally have restored our faith in the idea of church which had been seriously damaged, says this: “We have discovered that Christianity is not about rules and regulations but it is about a dynamic relationship with the living God.” So, I would modify Judy’s last bullet point. Any dynamic relationship must include growth and growth of any kind, whether physical, emotional or spiritual, requires friction. That means that without doubts, questioning and the difficulties that prompt them growth cannot happen. Learning to live in, rather than with, this tension remains, for me, the great joy of life and ministry.

Sophia Update - April

Happy Easter to all members of Sophia Network from your trustees!

The journey that Christians make in Holy Week through Good Friday and on to Easter Sunday is an important journey for those who seek to follow Christ. As the years go by I realise that different elements of this narrative become prominent each year as I choose to engage with Jesus’ journey. As we move in the space of seven days from the celebration of Palm Sunday to the confused jubilation of Easter Sunday via the Last Supper, betrayal and the despair and darkness of the cross, something always stands out. This year, I worked with a group of young people to produce a dramatised reading based on Luke 24: 1-12. As the young people brought this to life, I was struck anew by the central participation of women in the resurrection account and found myself asking a number of questions. Why would Jesus choose to reveal his resurrection first to women? Was he trying to communicate something in particular? Does it matter?

This is something that the creative Carolyn Whitnall develops in her contribution to Inventive this month - Reheard.

This update will arrive with you about ten days after Easter Sunday but we remain in the season of Easter. Just as we celebrated International Women’s Day last month – and it is great to have a day with such a focus – the work of equality much like the work of resurrection – is recognised on a particular day but should be and needs to be evident every day.

So grab a cup of tea or coffee, treat yourself to a bit of Easter chocolate (if you've got any left) and have a look at what the network has to offer this month...


 

Dan Crouch – Co-editor and Trustee.

Here's what you had to say this month!

Vlog 

- the place to come when you don’t want to read

Dr Claire Rush reviews Alli Worthington's book Breaking Busy with the honesty and challenge that we have come to expect from Claire. We are also introduced to the latest initiative from Sophia - BookClub.  

 

Reflective Leadership Corner

- exploring leadership through a reflective lens

The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they didn't have any.' (Alice Walker). Tami Zacharias returns with her bi-monthly contributions to the network focussing on power but approaching this from a slightly different perspective than you might anticipate.

 

 

 

 

Feature

– stories, thoughts and think pieces

Sophia Trustee and third sector development specialist Karen Openshaw writes on the negative aspects of power in leadership. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hang-out

– interviews, biographies on past and present leaders

 
The incredibly talented and insightful Laurel Siebels shares candidly about her work, ministry and experience. While this is a slightly longer contribution than usual, there is so much gold to be found in this interview that we wanted to share it in its complete form with you.

 

 

Inventive 

– comments and stories in creative form

 

The super-talented Carolyn Whitnall offers us 'Reheard' a verse about the resurrection witness that invites us to engage afresh with this familiar story.

 

 

 

 

Sophia BookClub

What is Bookclub
Bookclub is a new Sophia Network event, creating space for us as a network to reflect together over new books that provoke thought about gender equality and inspire us to grow and be empowered as leaders.

The Details
Join us on Wednesday 11th May, 7pm-8pm, for our first ever Sophia Bookclub!

Register by following this link 

https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/sophia-bookclub-registration-23459439816

Dr Claire Rush will facilitate the discussion and you will have chance to submit questions prior to the Hangout.

The Book for the first Bookclub is Breaking Busy by Alli Worthington http://breakingbusy.com/

Steps:
1. Sign up here, to be a part of the online discussion, over Google Hangouts On Air
2. Grab a copy of Breaking Busy and read before 11th May http://breakingbusy.com/
3. We will send you details of how to log into the Hangout, a few days before the live event.

 

God's Daughters

 
Hannah Fytche, a regular contributor to the network, is having her first book published on 22nd April. In God's Daughters Hannah takes six issues that each come with their own pressures - school, image, friends, family, church and our personal relationships with God. Hannah writes from personal experience and explores how we don't need to be 'good enough' by the standards of others but simply need to let God strengthen us to keep going.

God's daughters is currently available for pre-order.


Sophia will be featuring an article from Hannah in our June update.

 

 

Inventive

– comments and stories in creative form

 

    REHEARD

    The witnesses were inadmissible:

    Gossips; pedlars of idle tales;

    Adam's deceivers ever since the Fall;

    The first found weighed and wanting in the scales.

    It's true they'd been around, had followed close

    Upon the wept-wet heels that later bled;

    They'd even put up funds and played at hosts,

    At students, too, and filled each little head.

    But his appearing to them? — deeming they

    Should greet the new dawn first, and first be sent!

    And yet, this was — had always been — his way.

    The case submits it was no accident

    That, at the crux where all things re-began,

    Believing women brought good news to man.


That the gospels depict some of Jesus’ women followers as being the first to discover the empty tomb and to be met by him after his resurrection (Matthew 28:1-10) is often cited as a ‘criterion of embarrassment’ argument for the truth of those accounts. The testimony of women in first century Judaism was considered unreliable – ineligible (sources suggest) as evidence in a court of law. So (say the apologists) if the gospel stories were inventions, the writers would never have chosen women as the first witnesses to Jesus’ risen life. And then the skeptics come up with all sorts of counterexamples and/or objections to the criterion itself as a form of reasoning and away we go, circling the usual debates. Meanwhile, the life-giving and status-quo-challenging heart of the women’s story gets overlooked: women have been, and still are, widely and repeatedly disregarded and dismissed … but not by Jesus. He loved, befriended, forgave, healed, taught, heard, validated and received from women throughout his earthly ministry. And that he first appeared to some of them, alive once more, and sent them as the first bearers of the news to the other disciples, seems a beautiful and natural continuation of that same affirmation and an indication to the world that it would do well to hear what women have to say.



Carolyn Whitnall lives in Bristol with her husband Ben and they try to follow Jesus. When she isn't researching 'something to do with computers, sort of', she enjoys learning and writing about lots of other stuff. She has a website (http://critic-cal.blogspot.co.uk) and is in the process of fathoming Twitter (@MrsWhitnall)